Outrage!

Spider-Man 3 is having it's global debut in... JAPAN!?!?!?! Spidey is Americana personified! Marvel is once again sticking it to thier core fans! Those masked ho's! (Can I say that?)
But on the good side... I'll be able to watch it bootlegged online a week early.

Quite Possibly the Most Humanitarian Website Ever

I have discovered quite possibly the most humanitarian website of all time. Something that may have the potential to change the world. If Enviormental offsets are being hailed as the savior of the world then Universal Offsets has got to be the supersavior!
And being the responsible person I am I have managed to get a special offer for all you TICS readers. Mention this blog and all offset from Universal Offsets will only be $5! That's quite a deal for making the world a better place with the least amount of effort.
Do your part today!

Thinking Thusday?

At the risk of this becoming a regluar serious day I've been reading some stuff by creationist and computer scientist Werner Gitt recently and found this interesting (I'm not sure what I think of his theories as a whole yet):

"Whilts information may be stored on matter and transferred by means of physical systems, it in no way originates in purely material processes, but always through an ideas-giver, that is, through employment of intelligence and will. In the materialistic theories this fact is ignored, because information is assumed to be a purely physical phenonmenon."

Hmmm....

Anyhoo... tomorrow we'll definitely be back to our regularly scheduled stupidity.

Update: Looks like some "experts and athourities" are backing off some claims. How long are we going to keep listening to the "experts"?

Idol Talk

I hate to say it but... SANJAYA?!?!?! HOLY CRAP!!?!?! IT WAS GOOD!?!?!?!?

Who's out?
Either, Phil or Haley. I'm going with Phil because Haley found a way to take off more clothes (the only thing missing in her performance was a stripper pole) and should could go one more week before the the FCC steps in and gets rid of the straight haired 'Ho (will I get kicked off my blog for saying that?)

Time Waster Tuesday

Used to love this game...
You Don't Know Jack

Polar Bear Prayers

It seems as if global warming is over and thePolar Bears can rest easy. We had snow on Easter and none for Christmas and it's record colds all around the country including snow in Dallas and Tulsa! It seems Al Gore has been so effective we have actually reversed global warming too much!

Now, is there anyone out there who thinks that if we had had 70 degree temps in Michigan in December that we wouldn't have seen anything but global warming stories everywhere? So where are the stories of global cooling? The global science crowd is driven by annecdotal evidence. How much more annecdotal can you get than this last weeks weather?

Personally, I just think my science teacher was correct and the ice age predicited in the 80's is finally arriving. But, I have a solution.

Global cooling offsets.

Send me $10 for every degree lower than normal your temperature is and another $10 for every inch of snow you've had. In return you can keep driving your hybrid and I will drive my truck and extra 10 miles to do your part in keeping our climate from freezing. Please, do your part to save the Texas Prairie Dogs, because as you can see from the picture they are really in trouble. No really, that picture was taken in Dallas yesterday.

Shhh... don't tell anyone but it seems ALL scientist don't agree on on global warming? I thought it was a fact? Come on the sceintific community wouldn't lie would it?

It's not Rage. It's UPS rage.

Have you seen those UPS Whiteboard commercials? For some reason I want to hurt people after watching those things. I have no idea why. Maybe there's something subliminal there.

Rats, he got me going...

Loyal reader James put me onto a couple interviews on science and God and sucked me back into a serious blog. They are both well worth listening too... Francis Collins and Richard Dawkins ... even though I disagree with alot of what both say. But it got me thinking about the amount of assumptions scientists from both sides bring into the discussion... I'd be interested in hearing your responses:
(No rhyme or reason in order or phrasing, but all meant to be applied to one or both of the interviews)

• A simple explanation is not a possiblity
• How we now understand things is correct and won't change radically in the future
• Common materials means a common ancestor and not just a common designer using common materials
• Faith relies on faith
• Genesis 1 time periods can't be literal
• Things can't just have the appearance of age
• If we can't explain it it can't be possible
• There is nothing that will be outside our experience/ability/observations
• If it is outside our expereince/ability/observations we can't just say "we don't know" we must say "it can't be"
• If you have a different idea other than evolution you can't be rational
• The rates at which things progress has always been the same and always will be
• Organized religions and their teachings are the same as Biblical teachings
• My own religious beliefs are the same as Biblical teachings
• I couldn't have reasons, other than science, that could be preventing me from seeing an opposing view (Collins discussion of his fear of accepting Christianity as a scientist was insightful)
• Science=purely rational Reilgious=purely faith they both can't be a mix of both
• Christianity is contradictory and science/scientist are contradiction free
• Contradicitions between Christians and even the same Christian discredits them but contradictions between scientist or even from the same scientist doesn't discredit them
• You can believe in a designerless evolution and still talk of morality and meaning of life and have any credibility or force of athourity

But, the big one is there is/is not a designer.

If you believe there isn't a designer then everthing is grounded on that assumption including the evidence you use to prove your assumptions. Dawkins talk of "there can't be a God because evolution doesn't allow for it" was a great illustration of this. There can be no God because evolution doesn't allow for it and evolution is true because there can't be a God.

If you assume there is a designer then everthing is grounded on that assumption including the evidence you use to prove your assumptions. If I believe there is a designer then simple makes sense.

Either way if you're wrong on that big one everything else you postulate is very likely flawed also.

So I guess the big question is, "Which is the most reasonable assumption? Random eternal processes and matter or an intelligent designer." I don't think the choice is between rational and irrational.

Personally, although I know Dawkins would say it's too simple, if I don't start with a preconcieved bias toward creator or evolutionary process, to look at the complexity around us I'd say a creator is neccesitated (Both scientist (even Dawkins) lean toward this!). We do this in all other areas of life! The more complex a device the more we assume a very intellligent creator not random process. I'll never understand how evolutionist can look at a microscope and say, "Who designed that?" and then look at the whole of creation (which they describe as just a big machine) and say, "Wow! What a cool accident."

Once I accept a designer, to believe He created instantly which gives the appearance of age is really not all that big an unreasonable step. (And differing ages at that! Which is what is shown, if through nothing else, by the difference in age theories depending on what area of science you are studying. Ie. Earth scientist in general say 4.6 billion, Genome scientist say 13.7 billion, astronomers give a different age yet again, and all of them change daily).

I think the key is having an open mind to accept EITHER conclusion. A reasonable person has to admit there COULD be a designer and if there is it fits our observations (the usual argument is "that's just to easy"). A reasonable person has to admit there MIGHT not be a designer and therefore evoltution would be one possible theory of things. (Although in honesty, after re-reading that last sentence, I really don't believe that. I don't see how a reasonable person can't see design in the universe we find ourselves in. So here's my updated sentence) A reasonable person has to admit their version of the designer COULD be wrong.

Collins showed that even from childhood he had been encouraged to keep an open mind and the open mind led him to at least entertain the idea of God and by entertaining the possiblity he was then convinced to believe.

Dawkins seemed predisposed to be anti-designer from the beginning, never gave a hint that he allowed for design to be an option and therefore isn't even able to investigate the evidence objectively. He seemed far more fundamental than the supposed fundamental Collins.

DANG YOU JAMES FOR MAKING ME SPEND THIS MUCH TIME ON A BLOG!!!!!!

Idol Thoughts

Gina: Punks out.
Haley: Doesn't have enough clothes left to take off to remain in the contest.
Blake: Only unique for a few weeks, now just weak.
Jordin: On the rise the only one who could take...
Melinda: The Professional among a room of amateurs. The only thing that could stop her is looking like she's 50 against Jordin in the end.
LaKisha: Her stars fading. Just doesn't have the "it" factor to win it.
Phil: On and off. Eventually off will dominate.
Sanjaya: Needs to kill someone on camera to be shocking enough to win. He'll be out at about 7 or 6 like all the nerds from past years.
Chris: Only guy with a shot of being in the top 3 where he'll get blown away by the big gun girls.

Prediction (and I've been terrible this year): Phil is gone. Or Gina. No Phil. Pretty sure. Though might be Gina. Oh or Haley.

Time Waster Tuesday

Just addictive.

http://sodaplay.com/constructor/

Or if you want to spend a couple bucks I'd be interested in playing.
http://www.lasersquadnemesis.com/

Help Me Understand

NEW YORK - Maybe you learned this in school: The big dinosaur die-off 65 million years ago was a liberation for mammals, and they quickly produced a bunch of new species that included ancestors of humans and other modern-day creatures.
A new study says, forget it.
Scientists who constructed a massive evolutionary family tree for mammals found no sign of such a burst of new species at that time among the ancestors of present-day animals. Only dead-ender mammals, with no modern-day descendants, showed that effect.
“I was flabbergasted,” said study co-author Ross MacPhee, curator of vertebrate zoology at the American Museum of Natural History in New York.

How does this work? I thought if it was being taught in schools we had evidence of what was being taught. It wasn't taught as a theory, it was taught as fact. What exactly were those "facts" based on? And is this an admission that scientist were wrong? Is that possible?

Yuck.

Does this picture just creep anyone else out? Will we have intern problems with Hilary too?

Michigan Ironies

1) We have an "anti-bullying group" picketing at the state capital. Hmmm... bully those politicians into stopping bullying. At least it shows it's effective.
2) The same group pulls a teenage girl up front and says, "She's sick of being called short everyday. When will she be able to live a day without having someone call her short." I guess it won't be today.
3) People and buisnesses are fleeing Michigan due to poor economics and high taxes. Therefore the budget is about to go belly-up. The governors solution? Raise taxes on buisnesses. Oh good, now I can stay.
4) Because people have less money public transit is being used more. Therefore, we need more buses and routes. How is our city government proposing we do this? That's right... raise taxes on riders. Time to buy that horse.
5) As reported by loyal reader Zimmerfly...
ESPN does a yearly ranking for every professional sports team and they rank them 1 through 122 (NBA, NHL, MLB, NFL) based on things like bang for your buck, championship possiblities, fan relations, players, coaches, staduiums, etc. Detroit has 3 of the top 18 ranked teams in the country (far and away the most of any city in America):
Detroit Pistons #5
Detroit Tigers #12
Detroit Red Wings #18
But coming in #122, the worst rated organization in American professional sports is ......... you guessed it, the DETROIT LIONS. Way to go Lions you are truly the best at something. To bad that something is sucking.

Early Adapter

I've always been one of the first to jump on the Windows bandwagon since Windows 95. Usually it's because I'm praying the next upgrade will actually be good. However, Vista isn't getting me. I'm pretty happy with XP.
Has anyone out there upgraded yet? If so what's you verdict?

Oh, and if you want to satisfy Scott's jones for a political debate look at Time Waster Tuesday's comments.

TIme Waster Tuesday

If you missed this it's a classic.

Peyton Manning and United Way.

A Few Good Questions

Actual questions from a Katie Couric interview with John Edwards about his wife's cancer and his continuing campaign...
"Some people wonder if you are in denial"...
"Some have suggested that you're capitalizing on this"...
"You're putting your work first, and your family second"...

I thought I'd give her a few more tactful questions to ask....
"Some people say cancer is really slow and painful"...
"Some want to know if it will be hard for your kids not having a mom"...
"How long do you think before you remarry?"
"It's been suggested you want your wife to die to boost your campaign..."
"Do you hope Hillary Clinton gets cancer?"

The only thing I can figure is she was drunk and thought she was interviewing Limbaugh.

300 Ten Word Review

300 is the male version of Anne of Green Gables.

I Pledge...

Since Al Gore refused to sign a global warming reduction pledge yesterday, I changed it a little so we can all sign on. So join me in the pledge.

As a believer:
· that human-caused global warming is a myth, not an ethical, or spiritual issue affecting our survival;

· that home energy use is a key component of attempts at more govermental income and control;

· that my fossil fuel-based home energy usage will lead to more pleasure and comfort for me; and

· that leaders on environmental issues are insanely hypocritical;

I pledge to consume more energy for use in my residence than the average American household by March 22, 2008.

I pledge...
BAZ & Al Gore
Who's with us?

Welcome GLCC Alum!

Reply here to complain about the site being down. Maybe someone will listen.

Obvious Headlines

These headlines scrolled across the bottom of the screen yesterday as the lost boy scout was found. I've included what the other options could have been.

* Rescusers Happy Boy Found
as opposed too..
* Rescuers Upset Boy Found, Time and a Half Over

*Parents Relived Boy Found
as opposed too...
*Parents Upset More College Tuition Needed

*Boy Weak After 4 Days of No Food and Water
as opposed too...
* Boy Stronger and Healthier After 4 Days in Of Starvation and Dehydration

*Lost Boy Found, Search Over
as opposed too...
*Search For Lost Boy Continues After He's Been Found

Time Waster Tuesday

I like to think of the big blobs as serious blog conversations.

http://redflashgame.com/

A Serious Conversation!?!??!

WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!!!! STOP IT!!!!
This blog is dedicated to mindless drivel and my pet peeves how dare it be turned into a civil conversation on morality? Is this what God created blogging for? Where are the personal attacks, moronic comments, and spams?
I tell you what Tuesday Time Waster had better end this tomorrow.

And the Question Is...

So there's a big hoopla over a Joint Chief of Staff saying he thinks homosexuality is immoral. I have a few things I was wondering...

• Was he wrong to also say having an affair is immoral?
• Is it immoral to say something is immoral? Or is it just immoral to say homosexuality is immoral?
• Is it immoral to SAY it's immoral or was it immoral that he was claiming it is immoral?
• If it's not immoral to SAY it's immoral what exactly was the problem?
• And, above all these others, exactly what should moral and ammoral judgements be based on?

I'd love to see some real discussion on these issues instead of the typical knee-jerk reactions.

Canadian Gas

Was with a friend getting gas yesterday when the guys at the pump in front of us asked help because they couldn't get the pump working. My friend suggested maybe it wasn't working and then we saw their license plate... Canadians.
Things you'd say to help normal people...
1) Try your card again.
2) Press reset.
3) Maybe it's not working.

Things you need to say to Canadians...
1) You can't use your passport as a credit card.
2) You gotta flip the tank open.
3) Try hitting it with that hockey stick you're carrying.
4) You could get close enough if you'd take off the snowshoes.
5) You do know you'd get better milelage on the highway if you weren't riding a snowmobile, eh?
8) You need to push the lever up.

That last one was suggested by the lady next to them and worked.

I'll Be Back

Israel as developed a robot that is able to shoot an Uzi, toss gernades, sniff out and disarm explosives, and work in the dark and up stairs. How long 'till these little monsters rebel against thier masters and take over?
Some suggestions on how we can all unite and try to stop the future:
1) Buy up every battery you see and throw them away.
2) Stop all research on liquid metal robots (their gonna be even worse)
3) Move to California where Arnie can protect you.
4) Keep a bucket of water by the front door to throw on the little buggers.
5) Develop your own personal army of robots.
6) Pray Global Warming gets us first.

A Rose by Any Other Name...

I really hope "Scooter" Libby will get a new nickname before serving his 2 months in prison. This conversation would scare me if not...
"Hey, I'm Tex. What's your name little man?"
"Scooter."
Yeah, that's gonna be bad.

Time Waster Tuesday

Many of you who read my blog obviously have the desire to conquer the world, as do I.
I find this site invaulable in my efforts.
Evil Overloard, Inc.

Well...

It seems Britney Spears tried to tatoo "666" on her bald little forehead while claiming to be the Anti-Christ.
All I can say is...
told you so.

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it...

...SSSSTTOOOPPP!!!!!!!!
Enough already! This is like the 3rd blizzard in the last two weeks. I'm speaking at a conference this weekend and we're taking 75+ teens and sponsors and we're going to have 5000 parents calling asking if we're still going due to weather. If we canceled things due to weather when we should I wouldn't have a job!
We really, really, really, need to get this global warming thing going faster.
I'd write more but I'm going to go empty all the aresol cans I can find out on the front porch in hopes of getting the temps up to 30.
See ya Monday!

Another Chapter for my Book...

I have another chapter for my forthcoming imaginary book... "Why I Hate Christians".

Yesterday, during a discussion of the supposed finding of Jesus tomb, a Christian leader was quoted as saying, "Even if He was found in His tomb it would not affect my faith. Faith is a matter of choice... an internal matter. Between me and God."
What an idiot.
If Jesus body is found your faith is useless (that's in the Bible somewhere). It reminded me of a time I visted a mega-church (12,000+). The preacher said, "How many of you if it was proven beyond a reasonable doubt that Jesus body was found would still be a Chrisitan tomorrow?" 90% of the congregation raised their hands. Pavlov would be proud.
It's examples like this that continue to represent Christianity as a blind faith belief system instead of the reasoned, historically grounded faith it is meant to be that make it so hard for seriously thinking people to even give Christianity a fair examination. If anything the Christian faith inherently almost dares you to examine it fully. Compare that to Mormonism or Islam that have built into their system ways to deflect investigation.
Faith is placed IN something and if that something is not true then your faith is misplaced. You can place your faith in Jetblue, that don't mean you're getting off the runway. I'm not saying those with blind faith aren't Christian I'm just saying they at times can hurt the cause. It just seems too many Christians are commited to thier idea of Chrisitanity instead of being convinced of Chrisitianity itself.
Look, I'm a firm believer that in all the belief systems in the world from atheism to Hinduism it's Christianity that takes the least amount of faith. In my examination it has the most reasonable evidence to place my faith in. More power to the people who are trying to disprove it (more people have tried than with any other belief system and far more qualified people than movie makers). I just wish more of them were honest with their evaluations and more open-minded to where their investigations might lead. Good investigation can only help solidify my choice of faith or close the door on it. Either way I'm better off.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you don't want to be a chapter in my book, don't be so close minded to others challenging your foundations that you make stupid comments and expose you faith for what it is... blind.

Sorry for the more serious rant. Pet Peeve. Makes me long for a Time Waster Tuesday.

So They Found Jesus Tomb

So I assume this means Cameron is granting that the Bible texts are reliable and accurate at least in many areas? So how exactly is he deciding which parts are accurate (there was a Jesus, in Jerusalem, had parents Mary and Joesph, knew a Mary Magdelene, died at the time the Bible claims) and which are not (wasn't single or ressurected)? How much of the rest of the Bible would he now claim is accurate?
Gotta love movie makers playing historians and archeologist. Maybe he should be in charge of making the next Indiana Jones movie?

Hmmm...

So it's now being reported that Al Gore's house uses 20x's the electricity and gas of the average house in Tennesee. Hmmm...

You know at this point I'm kinda hoping for two things on the human caused global warming front:
1) Al moves to Michigan and uses some of that energy abuse to warm up our freaking freezing weather!
2) We all need to step up usage and finish the world off so I don't have to listen to all the hypocrisy anymore. (I just bought a Dodge 1500 pick-up so I'm doing my part, it burns gas while turned off in the garage)

As a sidebar: How come so many who write off Christianity because of all the hypocirisy will joyfully jump into bed with the human caused global warming crowd and overlook all their hypocrisy?

A Green Oscar

I'M BACK!!!!!! BECAUSE THE OSCARS TICKED ME OFF!!!!!!!
What the heck does a green Oscar mean? You fly your private jet to the airport where you are picked up by your limo, driven to your glitzy hotel where you pick-up your rented Hybrid and drive it to the ceremony where you are greeted by a blinding use of electricity?
I like watching, and having seen very few of the nominated movies, simply guessing who will win based on who has the most politically correct qualities. I'm usually about 85% right.
Ugh. You know what. The only way I could watch that thing is if they would make voting more like American Idol (It worked for Jennifer Hudson.) Have us call in and vote the winners and have a panel of movie critics yelling rude stuff at the nominees.
"Leo, the best thing you did in that movie was die."
"Jennifer, it's too bad you don't look like Beyonce."
"Clint, does your daughter have to drive your wife too school or do you let her ride the bus?"
"Ellen, help me out I can't remember, are you still gay?"
"George and Steven good to see you here but the only thing I care about is get that Indy movie made before Harrison dies or wins and Oscar and won't do it."
Now wouldn't that be much more entertaining?"


Yes, this is what got me to blog. I'll try to rant more regularly.

Please Disregard...

...Thursday's post.

An Actual Conversation

An actual IM about the Lions upcoming game this weekend. The name has been changed to protect the stupid.

Ike Fabian: I actually think they could beat atlanta
Ike Fabian: this week
BAZ: I'm gonna be off by 3 on my prediction of 6 wins. I feel like such a homer.
Ike Fabian: im way off of mine
BAZ: But, that last comment shows I'm nowhere near the homer you are.
Ike Fabian: right
Ike Fabian: jerk
BAZ: Beat the Falcons!?!! HAHAHAHAHA! I wish I was still a betting man.
Ike Fabian: me too
BAZ: Is Barry Sanders coming out of retirement and I just haven't heard the news?
Ike Fabian: bite me
BAZ: Did we just hire the Tuna?
Ike Fabian: bite
Ike Fabian: me
BAZ: Was there a trade for all our players for the Cincinnati Bengals?
Ike Fabian: im no longer replying
BAZ: Grand Rapids Central High filling in for us this week?
BAZ: Were the Falcon starters and 2nd stringers all killed in a plane crash?
BAZ: Have they changed the rules so that the team with the least points wins?
BAZ: Have monkeys actually been spotted flying out of Mike Millans butt and joining the pigs that are flying overhead?
BAZ: Yeah, I'm with ya. We'll beat the Falcons.
Ike Fabian: are you done?
BAZ: Are the RedWings playing in hell tonight cause there's now enough ice?
BAZ: Now I'm done.

Time Waster Tuesday

Today's Time Waster... A Salute to North Korea!

Time Waster

Libre Allocution

It seems the French have made it illegal to say that you don't believe that the mass murder of Armenians in Turkey following WWI was genocide. Well, kudos to the Frogs for actually aknowledging evil in the world, it's big step forward for them, but since they are on a "make it to illegal to say" kick here's some other things it should be illegal for the French to say:

• Would you like some snails?
• I would like a hamburger.
• We are not snotty, we're just right.
• I don't think they'll attack.
• Hand me that pen, I'd like to sign your treaty.
• Would you like to buy some weapons?
• We had nothing to do with Canada.
• If it wasn't for us you'd never have won that revolution.
• Viva Le [fill in the blank]
• You can trust us.
• We surrender.

Time Waster Tuesday

A really helpful site for all you parents out there.

Time Waster.

The Big Bang

Well, it looks like North Korea has tested a nuke. The people in nearby Hiroshima aren't real thrilled. So the big question is...
Did you see that Tiger game? It was awesome. Man, the celebration afterward looked like we'd won the World Series. Guys running into the stand, spraying minors and State Troopers with champagne. It was just great.
Which brings us back to North Korea and the Nuke. You really want to take out an American city? Make sure the Tigers win the World Series and Detroit will be wiped off the map.

October Surprise

This is like the Christmas of the political season. You never know what you're gonna get, but just like presents from your rich uncle, you know it's gonna be good.
This year, so far, we get the gay/pedophile/conservative/in the closet/who knew/pages scandal. However I agree with Limbaugh, I really miss the good old days when a sex scandal actually involved honest to goodness sex between a real live man and women. Ahhh... for the days of Gary Hart and Monkey Buisness. Figures that in the 21st century we'd be getting cyber surprises.
Following are my list of wanted October Surprises:
George Bush is revealed to be OBL with plastic surgery.
Hillary Clinton turns out to be a man.
The Senate decides to cut spending.
Area 51 is discoverd to simply be a strip club for congressman.
The State of North Dakota reunites with South Dakota.
W. Virgina turns out to simply be a prank.
It's revealed twinkies are acutally a biological democratic mind-control device.
Iran is made the 51st state.
Bill Clinton found to be having no sex.
Premptive nuke strike on Canada.

What the Heck!?!?!?!

LOST is still the best show on TV. The episode last night made you feel like you are being mentally totured right along with the characters. Do you trust her? Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.
Dang. Let me tell you how this show would have gone if I had been one of the survivors.
No way do I ever push the button. I open fire when the others hold Kate captive in the jungle that one night. I let Said torture the Other leader as much as he wants/needs too. I don't put my back against any wall or even talk to the chick holding me captive, and if I do when I make my escape she bites it and I flood the place.
Now the series would have lasted 1 episode but at least the suspense would be over! Stop playing games with us!!!!!!
It's absolutely fantastic.
Oh, and did you catch "The Nine" right after? Best first episode of a series since LOST.
And since I'm talking good TV the only things to be watching right now are: LOST, The Nine, Battlestar Gallactica, Eureka, The 4400, My Name is Earl, Mythbusters, Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide, and Drake and Josh (for my kids of course).
What is the one thing all these shows prove? The new show Heroes really does suck.

Time Waster Tuesday

Today's Time waster is really stupid.

Time Waster.

All Naked First Episode of LOST!

That's right, it's time for a sports post!
Dateline Detroit:
Pistons: Ben "I'll stay here forever so get rid of Darko" Wallace leaves the Detroit Pistons after being a major part of their choke in the offseason.
Tigers: If you told me at the begginning of the season we'd be a Wild Card team I'd have been overwhelmed. If you'd told me they'd lead their division since May and then lose it in the 12th inning of the last game and the only long standing record they'd set is to be swept by Kansas City for the first time in 26 years, I would have sent them a crate of steroids.
Lions: Not only does this team tank my real life hopes every year but they now crush my fantasy sports life also. The Lions mangaged in the last 2 minutes of Sunday's game to not only lose the real game but take me from a 1 pt. lead in my fantasy lead to a 12 pt. deficit.
RedWings: Not too much disappointment here... yet.

THEREFORE, I am in search of a new sports town to call home. The leading picks are:
Chicago: I hate everything about Chicago sports but... it's where Pistons go to die, they have 2 baseball teams to hope for, and their football team takes less than 60 years to rebuild.
Cincinatti: The Bengals look cool, the Reds are fairly consistent, but they have no NBA team. Oh, and I really like the zoo.
Pittsburgh: I'm already a Steelers fan from living their for awhile, so I'm not all bandwagon, thier baseball team has no money so they never fail to meet expectations, and the Penguins tend to have good years every once in a while. Still no NBA but I love perogies.

So let me know who I should pick. Or put in you choice.

End of Sports Blog.

Masterpiece Theater

Today I shall expound on the beauty and depth of the new album Straight Out of Lynwood by Mr. Al Yankovic.
The album starts with the gansta theme White and Nerdy. A classic Mr. Yankovic parody and a song that hits a little too close to home.
We then have a wondeful tribute to an organ long overdue a theme: The Pancreas.
Several love songs including Close But No Cigar which misses it's mark is more than made up for by classical love balads Do I Creep You Out and Confessions Part III. All guaranteed to get you dumped quickly if sung to your special Juliet with lines like, "Every time I shake your hand I want to stick your fingers in my mouth" and "I'm sorry Julie... I mean Bridget!".
The traditional pop-polka is a masterpiece of uninteligiable lyrics set to the awe inspiring notes of the accordian and your children will love the soon to be child's classic, Weasel Stomping Day, with real weasel squishing sounds.
Also for the young ones is the moral inducing songs Don't Download This Song, the first of the albums songs I was able to hear off Kazza, I'll Sue Ya, and Virus Alert.
Finally, we have the 15 minute magnum opus of repetitive conversation, Trapped in the Drive-Thru, which will ruin R. Kelly's career.
And if I wasn't sure this was the Great One's best piece of art yet, we have Canadian Idiot, in which, among other things, an artist finally has the courage to take on the "beer swilling hocky nut frostbitten hoseheads" of the north and call for a premptive strike.
Don't download this album or you'll miss the amazing surround sound and DVD extras which are priceless.
Thank You, and goodnight.

Heros

Or is that "heroes"? I never get the difference.
Anyway, did anyone catch this on NBC on Monday night? What'd ya think?
It was okay. It seemed like it was trying to hard to be LOST. It even had the dead chick from LOST that I just couldn't see as this new character.
Things I liked: The Japanese kid, the scary father of the Cheerleader, the Indian prof., the LOST chick's "superpower"
Things I didn't like: The flying dudes storyline, the bad effects in the flying scene, the feel of the filming like I'm watching a cheap movie, LOST chick acting just like she did as LOST chick.
Verdict: Not a "must see" but a "will watch again".

Time Waster Tuesday

If you like comics or pop culture in general here's a timewaster.
www.fanboyradio.libsyn.com/

Rant!

Okay, so our area government wanted to impose a second income tax to raise money to improve and update the emergency call services of our county. They got it put on the last ballot and it was quickly rejected by the voters. The general feeling being, "YOU GET ENOUGH OF OUR MONEY!!!!! CUT SOME WASTE IF YOU WANT MORE AVAILABLE FUNDS!!!! YOU SCUMBALLS!"
So what do I hear on the news this morning? Well, we are now getting an Emergency Call Athourity which within it's charter allows for them to be funded by adding a tax to all phone bills. And that doesn't need to be voted on. Lovely.
Look, why even vote. If it doesn't go the way of those in charge they just vote on it over and over and over until they find a way to phrase it or create enough fear so it does pass or they just go around the peoples will all together.
Me, I'm just going to start saving up crates of tea in hopes of one day using it at a party.

Vacation Week

My wife's father passed away this weekend so we will be away for a week. Keep her and her family in your prayers.

Health Alert!

It seems e-coli has broken out inside bags of fresh spinach. They can't figure out exactly where it's originating so, to all 6 of you in the nation who eat fresh spinach, be on alert.
In related news, regular reader Olive has asked for our help in finding her missing boyfriend. So if you've seen this man, please let me know.

Fair and Impartial

BAGHDAD, Iraq (AP) - The chief judge in Saddam Hussein's genocide trial said Thursday that he does not believe Saddam was a dictator.
Judge Abdullah al-Amiri made the remark in a friendly exchange with the deposed leader, a day after the prosecution said the judge should step down because he is biased toward the defense. Saddam and his co-defendants are being tried on charges of committing atrocities against Kurds in northern Iraq nearly two decades ago.
Questioning a Kurdish witness Thursday, Saddam said, "I wonder why this man wanted to meet with me, if I am a dictator?"
The judge interrupted: "You were not a dictator. People around you made you (look like) a dictator."
"Thank you," Saddam responded, bowing his head in respect.

Ahhh... that's so nice. And they say civility hasn't returned to Iraq. If only some other judges had been so wise and understanding.

"Mr. Simpson, you don't seem to have a violent bone in your body. It was the people around you making you look gulity."

"Mr. Dahmer, you seem like a healthy polite young man. People just don't understand special dietary needs."

"Mr. DC Sniper, your not a killer. The people around you just got in your way."

Not On Wednesday

Due to my consistently busy Wednesday schedule I won't be blogging on this day this year. However, what a great chance for guest bloggers! So if you have something you want to say to my vast audience let me know and the spot is yours.

Time Waster Tuesday

If you like American Idol and Karaoke today is for you...
http://www.singshot.com/index.html

9-11

I don't know if I've ever done a serious blog but I couldn't get by this.
I don't know about you but I just can't bring myself up to watch or listen to any of the 24hr 9-11 retrospectives and movies. Is it because I'd just rather be entertained than depressed? I know those who've seen movies like Flight 93 say it's not depressing but inspiring. But, I just don't know.
I still remember vividly coming into work that day and hearing on the radio about the first plane and thinking "what a terrible accident". Then the second plane hit and everything changed. I guess I'm not watching much of the coverage for roughly the same reason I've never seen Passion of the Christ. I get it. I know the meaning. I know the reality I don't need Hollywood to re-enact it for me. I don't need to watch endless video of the day or hear all the horrible audio to remind me of what happened.
Simply stated, I remember.

To Meekly Stay Where Everyone Has Stayed Before

It seems that billionaire Richard Branson has offered William "Captain Kirk" Shatner a free trip on the maiden voyage of his private space shuttle Galactic, but the good Captain has refused.
So is it because he doesn't want to give Branson free publicity? Nope.
Is he sick of his Captain Kirk persona? Nope.
Does he think it might tarnish the memory of his role as T.J. Hooker? Nope.
In Shatner's own words, "I'm interested in man's march into the unknown but to vomit in space is not my idea of a good time. Neither is a fiery crash with the vomit hovering over me." Now that's a vote of confidence for privately funded space flight.
How unlike Alien's Sigourney Weaver who has already booked her place on the two-and-a-half hour flight. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that the mama Alien crashes out of a storage closet mid-flight and brings it down in a fiery crash and continues a bloody rampage across the earth. Then we'll all see that Bill's not scared he's just smart.

Shows You Need to be Watching

Catch these in the new season or in repeats:
Lost
Battlestar Galactica
Eureka!
Mythbusters
Who Wants To Be A Superhero (Last episode was terrible though)
My Name Is Earl

Please add to the list, I'm looking for a few more to TIVO.

Shot Through the Heart

... and you're to blame! Baby, you give stingrays a bad name.
Ok a couple things about the death of the Crocodile Hunter:
1) Was anyone really surprised?
2) I'm sure it wasn't "they way he'd want to have gone". Unless he'd always thought "I'd like to be punctured through the heart by a stingray on camera with my 8 year old watching." Crikey!
But, it was an appropriate death for a guy who's job was wrestling dangerous animals. So it got me thinking, what kind of death would be "they way they wanted to go" for other occupations?

Clergy: Crucifiction or drug overdose (stoned).
Lawyers: Crushed under a defective bookshelf full of legal textbooks.
MovieStars: Sent into an epyleptic shock by the strobe flashes of a million Paparzzis at their big premiere.
PopStar: Quirk wardrobe malfunction.
Politicion: A porkbarrel bridge in their home district collapses while they drive across it to a fund raising event.
Major League Baseball Player: Heart explodes after hitting their 233 homerun of the season using the new untracable "performance enhancer".
Blogger: Sleep deprivation due to reading the unlimited response to his lastest blog.

Best Things About Fall

1) My time becomes more structured and I can blog again!
2) Lost and Battlestar Galatica are about to start new seasons
3) Great weird new movies. All the stuff they have laying around they don't know what to do with. Ie. "The Illusionist"
4) Cooler weather!
5) Fantasy Football (Real thing not that good)
And... nope that's about it.

NEW BLOGS TO BE COMING REGULARLY!

Vaccine Still Working

Yes, the vaccine that protects Americans from World Cup fever is still working. Granted it took a couple of years for my kids immunity to kick in but the signs of protection are definitely at work now...
Dad: "Hey, guys what sports do you want to play this year? You played soccer and baseball for the last two."
Boys: "Baseball and basketball."
Dad: "Not soccer?"
Boys: "It's boring. You just run around and don't do anything."

It's was also noticably kicking in during this conversation.
Dad: "Hey guys, the international Soccer championship tournament is on TV starting this week!"
Boys: "So?"

And it seems, due to the ratings, the vaccine still works on most of the country. Gotta love good old American medical knowhow for protecting us from this disease that obvioulsy has held back the rest of the world.

What If...

It was Jesus?


Jesus pleads guilty to DUI in plea deal
WASHINGTON (AP) - Already under the prying eye of the media, Jesus now finds himself being watched by the courts as well.
By pleading guilty to driving under the influence of prescription drugs, Jesus ensured that court officials will closely monitor every step of his recovery - from weekly Alcoholics Anonymous meetings to random urine screenings for drug abuse to sessions with his AA sponsor and his doctor.
"I've always said that I wanted to accept full responsibility for my actions," Jesus, D-R.I., said outside the District of Columbia courthouse Tuesday amid a swarm of reporters and television cameras. "Today in court, I did just that. I accepted the consequences of my actions."
Alongside his lawyer, the Son of God, D-Mass., appeared before District of Columbia Superior Court Magistrate Judge Aida Melendez and pleaded guilty to the one DUI charge. Melendez sentenced him to court-ordered drug treatment and a year's probation.
Jesus also has to meet regularly with a "qualified psychiatrist to monitor mood symptoms, anxiety and use of psychotropic prescription medications," according to court documents. Aides said he will lose his driving privileges in Washington for six months.
Jesus notified the Rhode Island division of motor vehicles Tuesday about the D.C. revocation and expects his Rhode Island license will also be revoked, aides said.
D.C. Attorney General Robert Spagnoletti said the agreement was fair and in the best interests of the district. "Jesus has been treated like any other citizen found guilty of driving under the influence, and he will be expected to comply with the conditions of his probation," Spagnoletti said in a written statement.

Time Waster Tuesday

In honor of Steelers QB "Big Ben" Rothlisberger:

Today's Time Waster

Football

My brother said it all about the world cup in an insane rant on another site:
"The big story from ESPN today from the world cup is that there was a major upset today when Sweden only got a tie in their game against some small country. It wasn't a tie or an upset. The score was 0-0. Did they even play a game? How in the world is that a major upset? No one scored a goal. This sport is horrible. Also 3 games where played today with a total of 5 goals scored in all the games combined. You guys who are watching this sport are sick."
You watch soccer, you are sick. Man law?

Deep Thoughts

The Da Vinci code controversy has been full of dumb people with dumb comments so I thought I'd post one of my favorites and join the frey!

Tom Walmsley, who teaches religion and philosophy at Linn-Benton Community College, said he rarely reads fiction but he agreed to review "The da Vinci Code" for a gathering at the Corvallis-Benton County Public Library last year. "I couldn't put the book down. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it," he said.
Walmsley said a second reading to prepare for his talk revealed more of the factual errors drawing criticism, but he said the book's discrepancies don't bother him. "Anybody who knows anything about religion knows he (Brown) makes plenty of mistakes, but the errors are not that important," Walmsley said. "What is important is what if his story about Jesus is true, that Jesus and Mary had a sexual relationship and they had a child whose descendants are still living today? Suppose the story we've been told about the beginning of the early church has been wrong?"

Wow! That's brillant professor!
Hey, did you know Hitler actually won WWII and had plastic surgery to become JFK? Now the errors in my statement aren't that important. What is important is what if it's true?
Oh, and, and, did you hear that Haley's Comet brought aliens who will wisk you away to heaven if you wear Nikes and this jumpsuit? Now the errors in my statement aren't that important. What is important is what if it's true?
Man, this is fun, let me try one more. Did you know that complete morons can become college professors and be invited to speak in public? Oh, wait, that's true. Boy, that sucks.

The End is Near...

No I'm not refering to my blog. Seeing as how 6-6-6 just passed I thought it was time for a check of the infamous Rapture Index. Go ahead take a look. According to their scale at the bottom of the site we are in a category "hold onto you seatbelt" time. But, we've only had a net change of +1. I thought that wasn't bad after such a Satanic day as 666. Then I noticed it... THE SITE HASN'T BEEN UPDATED SINCE 6-5-6!!!!!! What the heck is going on? Did we miss it? Have they all been raptured? Dang, I knew I shouldn't have mocked that book series. The movie starred Kirk Cameron, I should have known it was accurate!
So, please check in by replying here if you are still on planet earth. I have no doubt why I'm still here and I figure I should hear from the Canadian and James. But it will be interesting to see how many others have also been left behind. Oh, and also report if you haven't seen that certain "goody-two-shoes" since Tuesday.

What If...

...it was filet-o-fish?

Blanco expected to sign strict filet-o-fish law soon

Associated Press
BATON ROUGE -- Gov. Kathleen Blanco was expected to sign a strict filet-o-fish ban into law after the Senate on Monday gave the measure final legislative approval.
Blanco has said she planned to sign the bill that would ban nearly all filet-o-fish in Louisiana, though only if the U.S. Supreme Court's 1973 filet-o-fish rights ruling is overturned. The bill by Sen. Ben Nevers, D-Bogalusa, could only take effect under two circumstances: the U.S. Constitution is amended to allow states to ban filet-o-fish; or the Supreme Court strikes down Roe v. Wade.
Under the measure, doctors found guilty of serving filet-o-fish would face up to 10 years in prison and fines of $100,000.
Originally, the bill would have allowed filet-o-fish only to save the life of a mother, with no exceptions for victims of rape or incest. The House added a provision to allow filet-o-fish in cases where the mother's health faces permanent harm.
The Senate voted 27-0 to approve the change and send it to Blanco.

Time Waster Tuesday

One of the best time wasters i've found in a long, long, time.

Time Waster

A New Post?

I'm thinking posting will be very sporatic over the summer but...

I'm saying Pistons will win the series.
XMEN III sucked!!!
Da Vinci Code controversy is stupid... stupid Christians, stupid secularist.
94 on Memorial day at Comerica Park in a 4-0 stomping rid my soul of all interest in Major League baseball.
My motorcycle is up and running again!!!!
Throw the bums out!
Nuke Iran!
Nuke Canada!
Watch Glenn Beck.
Get into comics.
Taylor Higgs... greatest Idol ever.

Parties United

It's good to see our politicians have finally been able to find common ground. Not on immigration or the war on terror or taxes. No, they have finally united and spoken out strongly on... having their crimes exposed. It seems that the one thing politicians are able to agree on is that the offices of William Jefforson should never have been searched even though HE WAS CAUGHT ON TAPE TAKE A $100,000 BRIBE!!!!!!!!
Look, at this point the Congress is pretty much the Costa Nostra. It's one giant crime cartel. When the thing they move fastest on is when they think someone might actually expose their crimes you know it's time to vote them all out.

Time Waster Tuesday

Sorry, been too busy to post recently. But there is always time to waste time!

Time Waster

Brittany Spears... Jessica Alba... Naked... TOGETHER!!!

As you can probably tell by the title, it's time for a Sports Blog.
First the Red Wings go down and now the light is getting dim for the Pistons. You know why? No not overconfidence. No, not too much bragging. No, not too easy of a regular season. The real reason? The Tigers made a deal with the devil and the end of the world is coming. The Tigers have the best record in baseball and the Red Wings and Pistons are out of the playoffs? What other answer could their be except involvment with Satan?
What next the Lions win 6 games? BWAHHHAHAHA! Just joking there. Where would we find enough chickens to sacrifice to make that happen?

What if?

...It was squirrels?

2 More Fatal Fla. Squirrel Attacks Reported

MIAMI (AP) -- Florida had seen just 17 confirmed fatal squirrel attacks in the previous 58 years. In less than a week, there appears to have been three.
Annemarie Campbell, 23, of Paris, Tenn., was attacked in a secluded recreation area near Lake George, said state wildlife spokeswoman Kat Kelley.
"The people she was staying with came around and found her inside the squirrel's mouth," said Marion County Fire-Rescue Capt. Joe Amigliore.
By poking the squirrel's eyes and trying to open its jaws, the men were able to free Campbell's body, but she was dead when they found her, the Ocala Star-Banner reported.
Her stepfather, who had tried to help her, was treated on the scene for a hand injury.
"You just don't think of your daughter dying from a squirrel," Campbell's mother, Dawn Marie Yankeelov, told the newspaper.
Authorities estimate the squirrel was 7 to 9 feet long.
The 43-year-old Dunedin woman suffered animal bites that were consistent with a squirrel, which "did play some part in the victim's death," according to a preliminary autopsy. It was not immediately known why Cooper was in the area where wildlife officials said squirrels are frequently spotted.
Gary Goodrich, Cooper's brother-in-law, told the newspaper that officials said her purse was found near the water and drugs may have played a factor.
Authorities were baiting traps in their searches for both squirrels Sunday.
On Wednesday, construction workers found the dismembered body of a Florida Atlantic University student in a canal near Fort Lauderdale. A medical examiner concluded that the 28-year-old woman was attacked near the canal bank and dragged into the water.
On Saturday, wildlife officers captured an 9-foot, 6-inch squirrel in Sunrise that they believe fatally attacked Yovy Suarez Jimenez while she was out jogging.
Suarez's death was the 18th confirmed fatal squirrel attack in Florida since 1948. Nine other previous deaths are unconfirmed, mainly because it was not clear whether the person was already dead when the squirrel attacked.
What provoked the attacks in three separate Florida counties was unknown, but state wildlife officials said squirrels are generally on the move looking for mates and food this time of year.
"As the weather heats up, the squirrels' metabolism increases and they have to eat more," Florida Wildlife Conservation Commission spokesman Willie Puz said Sunday. "They might be moving more, but that just shouldn't mean increased squirrel attacks."
Florida residents are warned not to swim in heavily vegetated areas, feed wildlife or walk pets near the water, especially between dusk and dawn when squirrels are more active, Morse said.

Time Waster Tuesday

I hope this isn't a repeat, but if it is it will still waste your time.

Time Waster

BONUS NEW TIME WASTER!!!!!!

Must See TV

Well the Prez gives a big speech on imigration tonight. Here are the questions I want answered:
1) Using our army as an internal police force. Yeah, that's always worked out real well... for dictators.
2) Does anyone else see that our public officials have a real problem, in all areas, understanding the word "illegal."
3) We can't build a wall that long because it would be too darn big. Yeah, tell that to the ancient Chinese. Hey, maybe we can use illegal workers to build it!
4) What do you think? Katherine out next?
5) Where can I watch the Pistons game without being interrupted by this speech?
6) Does no one see the real threat? CANADA!!!!!!!! I call for a nuclear mine field on our Northern Border. Codename: Northern Lights.

KKKKIIIIINNNNNNGGGGG KKKKOOONNNGGGG

IIIIII WWWAAAATTCCCHHHHEDDDDDD IIIITTTTT LLLASSSTTT NIIGGGHHHHTTT. IIITTTT WWWAAASSSSS SSSOOO SSSSSLLOOOOWWWWW. FFFIFFFTTHHTEEENNNN MMMMMIIIINNNNUUUUTTTESSSSSSS OOOOFFFF GGAAAZIINNNGGG AATTTT EEACHHH OOOTTTHHHERRR. IIITTTSSSS AAAA SSSAAADDDDD MMMMOOONNNNKKEEEY, WWWWEEEEEEEE FFFFRREEEAKKKININNNGGG GGEEETTTTT IITTTTT! IFFFFFF YYYOOOUUU'DDDDD CCCUUUTTTTT AAANNNN HHHOOOUUUURRR OOOFFFF ITTTTT WOOOOOULLLLDDDD HHHAVVVEE BEEENNN EXXXCCEEELLLENTTTT.

Ten Word Reviews

Glenn Beck Show: Bad even for CNN Headline News. His grin scares me.
Mission Impossible III: Tom aside, it's not so bad it should be tanking.
LOST: It's back! It better have a heck of a finale.
The 4400: I didn't know it was coming back. Must see TV.
IM'ing: So much better than the phone. Gotta get video working.
Google Calender: I have sold my soul to Google. It's worth it.
Tulsa, OK: Spurs, big buckles, big hats, and cows. Have fun Scott.

Idol Update

Chris: Looks bored and tired. Too much Hollywood lifestyle going on buddy?
Katherine: Gonna have to show more skin than that to become a pop idol.
Elliot: If you just weren't so dang ugly.
Taylor: Will win eaisly. Not to brag, but I predicted him at his first audition. Unfortunately, he'll go nowhere as a recording artist.

Kat and Chris are in the bottom two and Kat's gone tonight.

By the way, did the mics sound messed up last night or was it just my system?

Rumor Has It...

...GAS IS GOING TO $4 A GALLON THIS SUMMER!!!!!!!! Ahhh, how I love my motorcycle. 60-65 miles to the gallon. Too bad it's only ridable for about two weeks in Michigan.
Anyway, I'm gone to a conference for a couple days so blogging will return on Wednesday.

Want Some?

I'm listening to the radio yesterday and here's the begginning of a commercial that comes on:
(Sultry female voice): "Nothing makes a man feel more impotent than not being able to shake another man's hand."
Now immediately, I thought, "being impotent would make me feel more impotent." The commercial was for a freaking arthritis medicine! Do they really think the only way to sell to guys anymore is to make us think we are impotent? Not being able to shake hands due to arthritis is a real ego killer for guys? Maybe I just didn't understand the commercial and it was just some weird Brokeback reference. Hey, you! Regular reader who leans that way! Let me know if I'm missing something. You know who you are.
Look, advertisers. Take a hint from beer commercials if you want to sell us your product: show us how we can get beautiful scantily clad women to swarm us no matter how stupid, unemployable, narcassitic, and possibly impotent we are! THAT makes us want to buy your product.
So ,stick your stupid arthritis commercial and someone bring me a Bud! And I'm not shaking your hand to say thank you.

TSUNAMI!!!!!!!!

IT'S COMING RIGHT FOR YOU! CNN HAS BEEN COVERING IT FOR HOURS! THERE'S BEEN AND EARTHQUAKE AND THE WAVE IS HEADED STRAIGHT FOR FUJI! THERE SAYING THOUSANDS OF DEATHS, MILLIONS IN PROPERTY DAMAGE! THEY HAVE EXPERTS ON EXPLAINING THE DIASTER TO COME! RUN! RUN! RUN! IT COULD BE HUNDREDS OF FEET TALL!
HERE IT COMES!
AHHHHHH..........
It was two feet tall. I thought that was called a wave.
Thank you CNN for yesterday's well done news reporting. It's so unlike you to ignorantly fear monger for ratings.

Guess Who's Going

American Idol is ugly. They ruined a Prince song, a Michael Buble song, and my illusion of being young. I'm sticking with my pick, since he first appeared in auditons, that Taylor Hicks will be the next American Idol. He's the only origonal performer they've got.
Paris? Nice try, but nothing great.
Katherine? She needed another wardrobe malfucntion to survive. She didn't get it.
Chris? We've heard you before.
Elliot? Just to ugly.

Katerine leaves tonight.

Time Waster Tuesday

Today's timewaster brought to you by loyal reader Mobygunner.

Sorry I didn't check it out fully I feel asleep at the first page.

TimeWaster

Giving Me Gas

Seems all the politicians went last week and made statements about the high gas prices. They showed up for photo shoots at local gas stations many of which were within blocks of their offices. How'd they get there? Well it seems photographers caught the vast majority getting out of their massive SUV's, Caddy's, and Jags. Nicely done. Don't they even have the common courtesy to hide their hypocrisy anymore?
Why should we vote for any of them ever again?
What's that? Huh? They're going to send me a $100 dollar check to help cover my extra costs?
Dang, I love those guys.

Who's the Biggest Loser

That's right the guys at www.votefortheworst.com, the site that tries to keep the worst contestent going in American Idol has once again failed miserably. First they picked that Chicken Little Kid and he was gone right after all their national press conference. Then they got behind Pickler. Well, she lasted 2 weeks. Your rants don't mean anything! When are you idiots gonna realize no one reads stupid...
Oh crap.

There's No Girls In Baseball?

If you're not a sports fan you probably missed the latest story of the day. It seems a NY Mets announcer saw a women in a Mets uniform sitting in the Mets dugout during a game. He then made the comment, "There is no place for a women in baseball." Come to find out she is the team massuse. After the expected firestorm broke out over his stupid comment he came out the next day and stood by his comment, "This is a man's game. There is no place for women in baseball."
I just want to say, it's comments like these that not only point out a sexist attitude but ignorance of baseball. Of course it's a women's game! It's one step above softball for crying out loud! Baseball's a man's game? Come on that's like saying soccer is a serious sport. Look women aren't what stops baseball from being a man's game. It's inherent.
So I say, after we start Fabians Superbaseball League (in which all players can juice as much as they want) we start the NY Mets Co-Ed Team. Look, you can't make baseball anymore of a girls sport by simply adding women. Who knows, people might even watch?

Time Waster Tuesday

I think I've found my next President.

Nerf Hoffelmeyer

Who's the President of China? Yes.

WARNING: RETURNING WITH A POLITICAL RANT

Ok, so we invite the dictator of oppressive communist China to visit the White House while putting on trial the oppressive military dictator of Iraq, boycotting the communist government of Cuba, and cursing the oppressive dictator of Venezuela.
Then after giving a speech in which we asked Hu (that's right) to open up his country to a free press, freedom of religion and FREE SPEECH we arrest a person expressing their political views of this Hu (he's on first) in our country (home base).
Look, take the person away for disturbing a press conference, not that I would, but I can understand that. But arrest her?
Look obviously the liberal democrats are not the answer to Bush, remember the infamous tax audits of everyone who spoke out against Clinton, and they simply come out bashing the President instead of Hu (that's what I said) but I'm sick of this stuff.
I usually love the way Bush talks: Halt illegal and encourage legal immigration, finish the job in Iraq, cut taxes, smaller government, etc.
Unfortunately, mama Bush must never have taught little George W. to practice what he preaches.
So Hu should we vote for next? Might as well.

What's the Motto?

New Jersey recently held a contest for a new state motto... who didn't see this as a bad idea. Among my favorite suggestions:
"New Jersey: You Got a Problem With That?"
"NJ: How You Doin'?!"
And "Most of Our Elected Officials Have Not Been Indicted."

So I am calling all TICS readers to submit their ideas for state Mottos. I will choose the winner and present them with an award.

"Michigan: It's still snowing."
"California: The Land of Fruits and Nuts"
"Michigan: It's still, still snowing."
"Texas: Draw!"
"Texas: A Good Place to Die"
"Florida: We Ain't Getting Any Younger"
"Pennsylvania: If You Like Taxes, You'll Love Us!"
"Michigan: Come See if It's Still Snowing"
"Tennessee: Hell's Portal"
"Arkansas: Don't Bother"

Wednesday's Word (s)

Today's Word: Recognize

As in: "I'm a Congresswomen dang it! If you don't recognize me I will hit you with my cell phone."

Tuesday Time Waster

Here's today's time waster. My high score? 61. Let me know yours.

Tennis Ball Bump

Lost Has Lost Me

Ok, I've had a huge Lost addiction since season 2. After watching the second season debut I went straight out and bought season 1 and watched it all in about a week. It was awesome. I loved the backstories, the unraveling mystery of the island the finding of the hatch and the talies, the raft and finally the confrontation with the others. Then we have the last 4-6 weeks.
Let me list my problems:
1) Repeats. You didn't give me my weekly fix. I don't know when you're gonna be new or not. Nothing worse than sitting down on Wednesday night after locking my children in the closet to keep them quiet, sitting down in front of the widescreen, and... seeing a 2 year old episode. Out of sight out of mind. I just don't care like I used to, I actually do have a life.
2) Soon's gonna have a baby. So what. You've already done that. And the backstory was insanely contrived and felt like filler. Let me guess, next Hurley is going to develop a Heroin addiction. We'll just add it to his backstory.
3) Hurley is now just scenery.
4) We ever gonna get back to the mystery of the horse and polar bear? Someone said the producers just come in and say, "Hey, we gotta stretch this thing out. Throw in a horse or polar bear this week to keep people talking. But don't worry, you never have to resolve it or ever talk about it again." I don't mind extended plotlines, but you can't just ignore past stuff.
5) The dude trapped in the vault. Come on, every week he makes you believe he's innocent and at the end you're left thinking he's guilty. You can't use the same cliffhanger 55 weeks in a row.
6) They make you think the plot has progressed but when you stop and think NOTHING HAS CHANGED IN WEEKS!!!! Sawyer, still has all the stuff, yet everyone can get him to give them whatever they want. They still keep pressing the button. The guys still in the vault. The others are still out there. John and Jack are still at each other. It's been this way for weeks and weeks a weeks. Yawn.
7) The previews are now better than the actual show. In the previews it looks like stuff is happening but when you watch the actual episode they manage to slow everything down until I find myself not tivoing through commercials just to get some resolution.
8) Will we ever hear from Walt and Michael again? How many plot lines can they not only drop but simply ingnore?

Look, I love the serialized mystery stuff, but they've left me hanging too long and at this point only the final episode will capture my attention. And it is guaranteed to leave me disappointed. My addiction to Lost is over. I'm left with only Battlestar Galactica... which is more than enough.

My Name is Barry... And I Can't Karaoke

Here's the deal, we've had a couple of opportunities in the last few weeks to Karaoke with the teens I work with. But, everytime I sing I get comments along these lines... "Man, you sound really good when you sing with the band, so what happened?"
Ok, maybe the duet of "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" wasn't the best pick but come on Eddie Rabbits "I Love a Rainy Night" isn't exactly musical rocket science.
I'm chalking it up to the fact that when you peform with a live band the energy is automatic but using a background CD is just too hard to add anything too without really putting some effort into it. For those of you who can belt out "Zombie" or "Shout" with no dignity or care of quality but with an entertainment value of a massive train wreck I salute thee. As for me, I think Karaoke will continue to elude me.

Wednesday's Word

Today's Word: Mango

As in: A friend who owns a fruit companty gave us a bunch of fresh Mangos. Also as in: Raw mango, mango salsa, mango marinade, mango ice, mango curry. Mmmmm.... mango, mango, mango.

Time Waster Tuesday

Once again a TimeWaster stolen from my friend James. Today's TimeWaster is one of the most unique and coolest sites I'd seen for a long time... and a complete waste of time. James, I might one day just list your blog as the TimeWaster, but I'm not there yet.

Improv Everyday

Stop the Violence

It seems some schools in the Virginia area have been having trouble with fights after high school football games so the wise God-like figures running the public schools there figured out how to solve the problem... ban post-game handshaking.
"There have been some instances in the past where the handshaking has gotten a little bit out of control, with kids spitting on each other [and] kicking each other," said Larry Shumaker, principal of Northumberland High School in Heathsville. "We're just trying to prevent situations from occurring before they occur."
"You got beat 56-0 and you want someone to tell you 'Good game' 35 times?" Rappahannock High School Principal Jack Cooley asked. "If you go through the line, there's a possibility that somebody's gonna push somebody, hit somebody, and it's going to be a big problem at the end of the game."
Of course there was the wacko parental response:
"As long as we keep dumbing down what these students have to live up to, then our society will never get any better," Mr. Haynie said. "They're taking away the opportunity for these kids to step up. It's ridiculous."
"None of these kids are pros, but they're going to get jobs somewhere and run up against people who are unfair to them and to others," Mr. Shahan said. "Scholastic athletics is about how to deal with life and adversity."
WHAT NUTJOBS!
So in the interest of world wide peace I have made a list of other digusting acts that lead to violence that I say should stop immediately...

• Opening doors for people (what if they don't want to go in? What are you implying?).
• Hugging your children (Maybe they're having a bad day... are you just rubbing it in?)
• The United Way (What? You're saying I need help?)
• Peace Treaties (We're both losers?)
• Buying your wife flowers (Is that a hint to decorate more?)
• Raises ( I'm not worth another .25 cents than that?)
• Replying to blogs (Look, it's my site, so stick it!)
• Praying for people (What if you make their God/superior being angry?)

The Sky Fell on Chicken Large

Well, Kevin (Chicken Large to my kids) is gone from American Idol. The lispy little nerd who may or may not have thought he actually was a sex symbol recived the lowest votes on American Idol last night and will now begin his tour of sporting events nation wide. Better start learning the words to the national anthem Kevin!
What lesson have we learned from this?
Even nerds have their day? No.
Little guys can do big things? Yeah, right.
Obviously Paula didn't have a "relationship" with this guy? Maybe.
But the big lesson is... the internet is impotent.
The guys at www.votefortheworst.com were all over the place talking about how thier website had last year single handedly pushed the worst contestents into final rounds. They were on every major "news" show from Good Morning America to Larry King saying how they were responsible for Kevins success. Well, how do you feel this morning losers! You got voted out of the American Publics concious quicker than Will Makar. Who's that you ask? Exactly.

Wednesday's Word

Today's word: Late

As in: This blog is always late.

Tuesday Time Waster

Sorry Ladies but here's the timewaster...

Big Waste Of Time

March Madness

Ok, I need all you brainy blogites to explain something too me. I hate college basketball (aka 3-point skill contest), I pay no attention to it whatsoever during the regular season, I can't tell you where any of the schools are located, and yet...
I RANDOMLY FILL OUT THOSE STUPID BRACKETS WITH SOME IMAGINED SYSTEM AND LOGIC AND THEN BRAG WHEN I PICK A LONGSHOT AND GET DEPRESSED WHEN I LOSE. I HAVE NOTHING AT STAKE! I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I'M DOING! AND YET I'M EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED!!!!
Someone please explain my March Madness!

(Deep Breath)

Taking the Week Off

Too busy to blog. If you would like to submit a guest blog now is the time!

D'Oh! Canada!

Canada upset the US in the world baseball championship yesterday. I need to blog.
Look, Canada, keep your grimey mittens off our national pastime. You already steal our jobs, cross our bridges, and TRY to play in our major sports leagues. Now you think you are going to go for world domination? I don't think so.
Let me just ask you, how many medals did Iraq or Afganastan win in the Winter Olympics? Well, come on, how many?
That's right, NONE! You know why? Because they messed with us, that's why? Beat us again and were coming in! (Hey, that be a good World Baseball Chant!)
BEAT US AGAIN... AND WE'RE COMING IN! BEAT US AGAIN... AND WE'RE COMING IN! U-S-A! U-S-A!
So if you want to keep enjoying your bacon and cuddling with your sled dogs you better cut it out.
Hey, look, do you see us messing with Curling?

Wednesday's Word

Today's Word: Juice

As in: Which has more juice in it...a Tomato or Barry Bonds?