Merry Christmas!
Monday, December 27, 2004
Friday, December 24, 2004
Wanna Be Ordained?
Ever wanted to have Rev. added to the front of your name? Well go ahead, it looks like anyone can do it.
Example #1: Rev. Joel Osteen
When accused of not being an ordained (officially recognized) minister the ever smiling, quite possibly animitronic Joel, replied that although he had failed to graduate from a divinity school he was ordained. When asked by what organization, he gladly mentioned it was the church his father had started and he now gleefullly received funds from. Now, it should have been obvious Joel was ordained even though Joel's Website and his church's website mention Joel's name about 500 times more than Jesus' (took me a while to even find Jesus on both) for four reasons:
1) His "church" is really big
2) He's on TV
3) His ever present smile
4) His really nice hair
Example #2: Rev. Idiot on News Show
On a debate show covering a school that was preventing a science class from presenting the theory of intelligent design the guests were introduced as "Special Interest Guy" and "Rev. Guy".
The kicker, "Special Intrest Guy" argued for other theories being allowed, specifically intelligent design, which is becoming more and more excepted by scientist in general, and "Rev. Guy" was against it because it didn't seperate church and state and teach the "overwhelming proof" of evolution. When told the school just wanted to present a well accepted alternate theory that was not held by just Christians, but many in the scientific community, and that God would not be mentioned, the good "Rev." replied, "Yeah, but where do you think all that talk of design will lead?" Yeah, as an ordained minister I'm with ya "Rev." that'd be bad.
Hey "Rev." check out Romans 1:20. It's in a thing called a Bible. They read it at real ordinations.
Example #1: Rev. Joel Osteen
When accused of not being an ordained (officially recognized) minister the ever smiling, quite possibly animitronic Joel, replied that although he had failed to graduate from a divinity school he was ordained. When asked by what organization, he gladly mentioned it was the church his father had started and he now gleefullly received funds from. Now, it should have been obvious Joel was ordained even though Joel's Website and his church's website mention Joel's name about 500 times more than Jesus' (took me a while to even find Jesus on both) for four reasons:
1) His "church" is really big
2) He's on TV
3) His ever present smile
4) His really nice hair
Example #2: Rev. Idiot on News Show
On a debate show covering a school that was preventing a science class from presenting the theory of intelligent design the guests were introduced as "Special Interest Guy" and "Rev. Guy".
The kicker, "Special Intrest Guy" argued for other theories being allowed, specifically intelligent design, which is becoming more and more excepted by scientist in general, and "Rev. Guy" was against it because it didn't seperate church and state and teach the "overwhelming proof" of evolution. When told the school just wanted to present a well accepted alternate theory that was not held by just Christians, but many in the scientific community, and that God would not be mentioned, the good "Rev." replied, "Yeah, but where do you think all that talk of design will lead?" Yeah, as an ordained minister I'm with ya "Rev." that'd be bad.
Hey "Rev." check out Romans 1:20. It's in a thing called a Bible. They read it at real ordinations.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
It Was Just A Matter of Time
You knew it had to happen. You know you wanted to name your first child after one. Yes, we all want one for our personal use. Absolutely they have endeared themselves to children everywhere. Sure, they are beloved by hockey fans around the world. But how long could you have expected them to put up with that kind of pressure night after night? And then the NHL strike comes along. It was too much, one finally went over the edge. It was just a matter of time.
Click to read about The Senseless Tradgedy
Feel free to use my site to share your personal stories of Zamboni's and how they have added richness to your life. Remembering is the beginning of healing.
And please, say a prayer for the Zamboni's among us. They're people too.
Click to read about The Senseless Tradgedy
Feel free to use my site to share your personal stories of Zamboni's and how they have added richness to your life. Remembering is the beginning of healing.
And please, say a prayer for the Zamboni's among us. They're people too.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Wow! That's a Great Idea for A Present!
I was listening to the radio and this commercial came on (my paraphrase):
(Christmas music playing in background)
Announcer: Wouldn't it be great to give a present that was more than what it looked like?
Man: Wow, a floormatt.
Women: But, it could be a convertible.
SCENE II
Women: Wow, thanks, a new spatula.
Man: But, it could be a new house.
Announcer: Well you can! Give the gift that could be more than what it appears. Get somebody a lottery ticket from one of our three great new Michigan Lottery Christmas Games!
ARRGHHHH!!!!
How stupid do you think we are! Let me write the honesty in advertising version of this commercial.
Announcer: Wouldn't it be stupid to give a present that had a 14 million to one chance of simply being a piece of paper?
Man: Wow, a lottery ticket.
Women: Yeah, it's the most expensive scrap of paper you've ever recieved! It would've been more generous to give you $3 in a card.
SCENE II
Women: Wow, a Christmas chance card.
Man: Yeah, but it has the potential to be absolutely nothing! A pack of gum would be more thoughtful!
So, if you truly believe that lottery ticket your getting me has a real possiblity of being worth a new convertible, I'm willing to trade it back to you for all the other presents you have waiting under your tree. Deal?
Hey give the lottery a try:
http://www.ring.com/lottoclub/lottery-simulator.htm
More lucky winners:
http://www.bankrate.com/brm/news/advice/20041108a1.asp
(Christmas music playing in background)
Announcer: Wouldn't it be great to give a present that was more than what it looked like?
Man: Wow, a floormatt.
Women: But, it could be a convertible.
SCENE II
Women: Wow, thanks, a new spatula.
Man: But, it could be a new house.
Announcer: Well you can! Give the gift that could be more than what it appears. Get somebody a lottery ticket from one of our three great new Michigan Lottery Christmas Games!
ARRGHHHH!!!!
How stupid do you think we are! Let me write the honesty in advertising version of this commercial.
Announcer: Wouldn't it be stupid to give a present that had a 14 million to one chance of simply being a piece of paper?
Man: Wow, a lottery ticket.
Women: Yeah, it's the most expensive scrap of paper you've ever recieved! It would've been more generous to give you $3 in a card.
SCENE II
Women: Wow, a Christmas chance card.
Man: Yeah, but it has the potential to be absolutely nothing! A pack of gum would be more thoughtful!
So, if you truly believe that lottery ticket your getting me has a real possiblity of being worth a new convertible, I'm willing to trade it back to you for all the other presents you have waiting under your tree. Deal?
Hey give the lottery a try:
http://www.ring.com/lottoclub/lottery-simulator.htm
More lucky winners:
http://www.bankrate.com/brm/news/advice/20041108a1.asp
Monday, December 20, 2004
Game Review
Our church family is awesome. Not only did they manage to give us something everday during Pastor Appreciation month but I receive numerous Christmas presents also. Due to this fact, I ended up with a free game at Best Buy.
After serious consideration I ended up getting Star Wars:BattleGrounds for... XBOX.
This was a serious lifestyle change for me. I have always bought PC games over console games when there is a choice, but now that I have kids who enjoy playing games with me, I gave up the advantages of the PC simply so we can play splitscreen.
I was looking for something brainless and that's what I got. Battleground is a 3rd person bloodless shooter (bloodless is a must for my wife that has a problem with Halo and Rainbow Six just cause the boys are 6 and 7. Look they're homeschooled they need to be socialized, I thought Halo and Counterterrorist combat was a good way to do that.) based on the battles through all 3 real Star Wars movies and the two recent attempts at Star Wars movies.
The game is a basic shootfest, but you get to be everything from Stormtroopers to wookies, ride tauntauns and drive those big Dino thingies, and fly Xwings and Snowspeeders. Overall if you like StarWars and prefer your shooters on the less violent side I'd rate this game a 7.5 out of 10.
However...
It gets a 9.5 for one reason. KILLING EWOKS! LOTS AND LOTS OF EWOKS! TINY, CUDDLY, SQUEAKING, NEVER HURT A SOUL, EWOKS! BIG EWOKS, LITTLE EWOKS, WOMEN AND CHILDREN EWOKS! BWAHHAHAHAHA!!
If I get a bead on Jar-Jar... it gets a 10.
After serious consideration I ended up getting Star Wars:BattleGrounds for... XBOX.
This was a serious lifestyle change for me. I have always bought PC games over console games when there is a choice, but now that I have kids who enjoy playing games with me, I gave up the advantages of the PC simply so we can play splitscreen.
I was looking for something brainless and that's what I got. Battleground is a 3rd person bloodless shooter (bloodless is a must for my wife that has a problem with Halo and Rainbow Six just cause the boys are 6 and 7. Look they're homeschooled they need to be socialized, I thought Halo and Counterterrorist combat was a good way to do that.) based on the battles through all 3 real Star Wars movies and the two recent attempts at Star Wars movies.
The game is a basic shootfest, but you get to be everything from Stormtroopers to wookies, ride tauntauns and drive those big Dino thingies, and fly Xwings and Snowspeeders. Overall if you like StarWars and prefer your shooters on the less violent side I'd rate this game a 7.5 out of 10.
However...
It gets a 9.5 for one reason. KILLING EWOKS! LOTS AND LOTS OF EWOKS! TINY, CUDDLY, SQUEAKING, NEVER HURT A SOUL, EWOKS! BIG EWOKS, LITTLE EWOKS, WOMEN AND CHILDREN EWOKS! BWAHHAHAHAHA!!
If I get a bead on Jar-Jar... it gets a 10.
It's the End of the World As We Know It
Last week I linked everyone to a post giving us the Rapture Index (see Wed. Dec. 15th) which keeps track of leading factors leading up to the return of Jesus or the leaving of Christians or the destruction of heathens, I can't keep it straight. Anyway, I felt pretty confident I didn't have to get serious about this Christian thing yet, although I was a little troubled by the fact that "several Asian nations are working on a free trade zone" and some other things. However, I glanced at the site Saturday and that's when I noticed it. THE RAPTURE IDEX HADN'T BEEN UPDATED IN MONTHS! Now I emailed them to check to see if anyone was still there and I noticed it had been updated today, but I'm thinking this is just a ruse. Because I've noticed some other people who I haven't seen for a while:
Dennis Rodman
Pamela Anderson
Prince
N-Sync
Elvis
Ronald Regan
Coincidence?
Well, just in case we still have a chance of making it, I thought it would be important to make a list of signs of the end times, so here's some things I've noticed:
The Polar Express may make $100 million (Rev. 14:10)
I still have my job after 10 years (Rev. 9:7)
Rodman, before he went missing, played for the Bulls and Lakers (Rev. 12:13)
The coming Ice Age (oh, wait that was what they were saying in the 80's)
The coming Global Warming (Rev. 15:5)
Trading Spaces is the #1 show on Cable (Rev. 9:21)
Several Asian nations are working on a free trade zone (Rev. 18:32)
Well, that's just a few I noticed. Please post if you've noticed more.
And remember, according to experts, the signs have never lined up more (except in 1643, 1871, and 1984).
Dennis Rodman
Pamela Anderson
Prince
N-Sync
Elvis
Ronald Regan
Coincidence?
Well, just in case we still have a chance of making it, I thought it would be important to make a list of signs of the end times, so here's some things I've noticed:
The Polar Express may make $100 million (Rev. 14:10)
I still have my job after 10 years (Rev. 9:7)
Rodman, before he went missing, played for the Bulls and Lakers (Rev. 12:13)
The coming Ice Age (oh, wait that was what they were saying in the 80's)
The coming Global Warming (Rev. 15:5)
Trading Spaces is the #1 show on Cable (Rev. 9:21)
Several Asian nations are working on a free trade zone (Rev. 18:32)
Well, that's just a few I noticed. Please post if you've noticed more.
And remember, according to experts, the signs have never lined up more (except in 1643, 1871, and 1984).
Saturday, December 18, 2004
Friday, December 17, 2004
In the News...
A few things from the world of sports spotted in the last few days...
"Lions intend on confusing the Vikings"
1) By winning?
2) By using a cheerleader at QB?
3) By bringing in some Pistons fans to rough them up?
Update: Replacing the above headline on www.detroitlions.com today was this beauty:
"Lions Measure Progress By Executing Game Keys"
They could measure progress more effectively by executing players and staff!
"Kobe Apologizes to Shaq"
At this point Kobe just figures he's not gonna be able to take the tag team of Malone and Shaq when they show up at his front door at 3am, so he's gotta make nice. By the way, if Kobe doesn't want Malone on his team for embarrssing his wife-- shouldn't Kobe retire?
"Washington D.C. Stadium Deal About to Fall Through"
You know why? Because some City Council idiot actually expects the owner of the team to pay for some of the stadium! Who does she think she is? Doesn't D.C. know what MLB will bring to their city? 3-4 hour nap times several days a week and it will only cost you $35 for a comfy seat. It will increase the gang population by 30% and make more money available for the drug trade. Government officials will have something to take thier mistress' to that doesn't take up vaulable tourist hotel space. And best of all, think of the taxes made on the increase in production of "the cream" and the "clear". And a D.C. councilwomen actually had the nerve to say the tax payers should only foot 75% of that Nirvana? What a nutcase.
Read the right view on this subject here: http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/story?columnist=caple_jim&id=1947248
"Lions intend on confusing the Vikings"
1) By winning?
2) By using a cheerleader at QB?
3) By bringing in some Pistons fans to rough them up?
Update: Replacing the above headline on www.detroitlions.com today was this beauty:
"Lions Measure Progress By Executing Game Keys"
They could measure progress more effectively by executing players and staff!
"Kobe Apologizes to Shaq"
At this point Kobe just figures he's not gonna be able to take the tag team of Malone and Shaq when they show up at his front door at 3am, so he's gotta make nice. By the way, if Kobe doesn't want Malone on his team for embarrssing his wife-- shouldn't Kobe retire?
"Washington D.C. Stadium Deal About to Fall Through"
You know why? Because some City Council idiot actually expects the owner of the team to pay for some of the stadium! Who does she think she is? Doesn't D.C. know what MLB will bring to their city? 3-4 hour nap times several days a week and it will only cost you $35 for a comfy seat. It will increase the gang population by 30% and make more money available for the drug trade. Government officials will have something to take thier mistress' to that doesn't take up vaulable tourist hotel space. And best of all, think of the taxes made on the increase in production of "the cream" and the "clear". And a D.C. councilwomen actually had the nerve to say the tax payers should only foot 75% of that Nirvana? What a nutcase.
Read the right view on this subject here: http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/story?columnist=caple_jim&id=1947248
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Whew... The Index is Low Today
Man this is a relief...
http://www.raptureready.com/rap2.html
Although I am a little worried by the increase in adult pagans.
Hope the plagues drop off a little too.
Hey, speaking of pagans... still need a gift for the megalomaniac in your life? Check this out...
http://villainsupply.com/index1.html
Just a hint if you still need to get me a present...My favorite Christmas song is: "All I want for Christmas is weapons grade plutonium" (wink, wink)
http://www.raptureready.com/rap2.html
Although I am a little worried by the increase in adult pagans.
Hope the plagues drop off a little too.
Hey, speaking of pagans... still need a gift for the megalomaniac in your life? Check this out...
http://villainsupply.com/index1.html
Just a hint if you still need to get me a present...My favorite Christmas song is: "All I want for Christmas is weapons grade plutonium" (wink, wink)
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Task Specific Idiot Savant Clauses
Well, I wrote a guest article for www.Fabiansworld.blogspot.com and kinda got an itch to try this out. Once my article appears over there I'll post it here and we'll see if I have the time or interest to keep this site up.
Will there be rhyme or reason to what goes up here? Will it one day get me fired? Will I even tell my wife I'm posting anything? Does anyone really care? But what a great first title, eh?
http://www.peoplespub.com/nercda/text/proofsanta.html
Man this explains alot and will cause me to spend every Christmas Eve sitting on my porch with a rifle.
http://www.realistictoyguns.com/edison.mv
When playing Airsoft with your kids is just too mean, this is a great alternative.
Will there be rhyme or reason to what goes up here? Will it one day get me fired? Will I even tell my wife I'm posting anything? Does anyone really care? But what a great first title, eh?
http://www.peoplespub.com/nercda/text/proofsanta.html
Man this explains alot and will cause me to spend every Christmas Eve sitting on my porch with a rifle.
http://www.realistictoyguns.com/edison.mv
When playing Airsoft with your kids is just too mean, this is a great alternative.
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