American Torture

Guantanamo Bay? Kids stuff. Abu Gahrab? A vacation resort. I'm talking about real torture. I'm talking about the voting episodes of American Idol. Here's what the hour long, commercial filled, inhumane week one vote show went like.

Host: (Read with a long pause after each line.)
"Alright two of you will be leaving and 10 will be staying."
"Front row you're safe. Back row............ actually you're safe--"
"Front row you could go."
"You three on the right are...."
"Safe."
"The remaining three come on up."
"Nope, my mistake. Joe, Marty, Fernando you come on up."
"One of you will be leaving."
"Make that two of you will be leaving."
"Fernanado you are..................................... safe."
"Marty and Joe I'm sorry........."
"But your two friends Jack and Kabanga in the back row are gone."
Kabanga And Jack: "Really?"
Host: "No just kidding. It really is Marty and Joe. Guys come on back up and sing your song and remind us why you were so bad America hates you!"

This week after Sadam called from his cell to tell them they were mean they went to a quicker format and then a follow up interview. I have some suggestions for questions of these losers:
"So what do you think made your performance suck so bad?"
"I notice you're crying. Do you realize you look ridiculous on national TV?"
"Did you really think you had a chance?"
"Do you think it will be tough going back to the Quik-E-Mart?"
"Do you now wish you'd slept with Simon?"
"They say women usually commit suicide with pills, is that what you'll do?"

I think these questions would help keep the spirit of American Idol alive.