HAPPY NEW YEAR BLOG!!!!

It was one year ago yesterday that I began this blog. I thought I'd repost (with outdated links and all) that very first one. And if you could all do me a favor. Reply to the post when you read this and tell me why you even come here on a daily basis and what has stuck in your memory or what you've liked best. Come on, it'll make me feel like someone cares. So here it is from December 14th 2004...

Task Specific Idiot Savant Clauses
Well, I wrote a guest article for http://www.fabiansworld.blogspot.com/ and kinda got an itch to try this out. Once my article appears over there I'll post it here and we'll see if I have the time or interest to keep this site up.Will there be rhyme or reason to what goes up here? Will it one day get me fired? Will I even tell my wife I'm posting anything? Does anyone really care? But what a great first title, eh?

http://www.peoplespub.com/nercda/text/proofsanta.html
Man this explains alot and will cause me to spend every Christmas Eve sitting on my porch with a rifle.

http://www.realistictoyguns.com/edison.mv
When playing Airsoft with your kids is just too mean, this is a great alternative.

Time Waster Tuesday

Two for the price of one today!

Upsidedown Typing

Make Your own Cartouche

You Look Like A Dictator

During an interview about his visit to North Korea media mogul Ted Turner was asked why he is showing support for a dictaor who, in the words of the CNN interviewer is, "One of the most evil and murderous people" in the world. Ted's response? "Well, I didn't meet him personally. But, I've seen pictures and video of him on CNN and he doesn't look any different than anyone else."
Good point Ted. So I thought to warn all my faithful readers of possible evil dictators in our midst I'd post some pictures of people who obviously fit the bill.

Blog from the Future

Well, it's December in Michigan. I hate this time of year. All the tourist coming up to enjoy the beaches and the sun. I mean I long for the days when everyone went to Florida for the winter. Now, I have to wait for summer for all those people to retreat to the snowy peaks of Southern Florida. Hopefully the scientist are right and all these vegetable powered vehicles will bring on the next Ice Age within 10 years.

Time Waster Tueday

Here's a little link my friend James brought to my attention on his site. A big, yet awesome, time waster.

Pandora and the Music Genome Project

RUN IT'S PEANUTS!

According to this article a teen girl died after kissing her boyfriend from an allergic reaction to the peanuts he had eaten earlier! Now that sounds crazy enough, but that's not the crazy part of the story here's the sentence that confuses me: "Peanut allergies have been rising in recent decades." How does this happen? How many peanut deaths have there been in the past? How do allergies just start rising? Where does it stop? What will we be allergic too in the future? Will we one day see a rise in water allergies? Snow allergies? Car allergies? Blogging allergies! THE HORROR!?!?! Then I realized... this took place in Canada. Figures.

Buddha Boy

It seems Buddha has been reincarnated in Kathmandu. This 15 year old has been meditating without food or water for 6 months and sitting just like the statues of Buddha! Yeah, I know it's incredible isn't it? Now I know some of you heathens out there are probably saying, "Prove it." Well, uh... that might be... ummm... a little difficult.
It seems no one is allowed within 165 feet of the tree he's sitting in and he's covered by a curtain at night surrounded by his followers. BUT... doctors say from a distance he looks thin. So there!
Besides, 100,000 devotees have come to see him... from 165 feet. Come to think of it... this might be a scam! However, I'm now heading to Kathmandu to sell magic apples this weekend. If you'd like some (at $150 a piece) please reply to this blog. They are gauranteed, if you eat them, to cure all your illnesses... if you keep back 165 feet. See you Monday.

Britney to Marry Jeb Bush... Naked!

Alright, obviously by the title of the blog you know it's about sports. I just wanted to reblog what I said about last years Lions vs. Vikings on Dec. 14 of 2004:

Here's a headline I saw today:
"Lions intend on confusing the Vikings"
1) By winning?
2) By using a cheerleader at QB?
3) By bringing in some Pistons fans to rough them up?
Update: Replacing the above headline on www.detroitlions.com today was this beauty:
"Lions Measure Progress By Executing Game Keys"
They could measure progress more effectively by executing players and staff!

Anyone else think I could probably repost that for the next 50 years and it will always apply?

Time Waster Tuesday

For all those who loved playing Cowboys and Indians as kids here is the Christmas site for you.
Don't put your eye out!
Backyard Artillery.

10 Word Reviews

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
New title: Harry Potter and the Cup of Convoluted Crap

Chicken Little
No better or worse than Bugs Bunny. Made kids laugh.

Stay
Unique idea. Had me thinking afterward. Obi-wan can actually act!

Zathura
Jumanji in space. What an easy way to make money.

Superman Preview
Is there a better hero than Superman? Spit curl though?

Jonah Hex Showcase Edition
If you're a western fan buy it! 500 pages $15!

Blog Comic Strip
Too right wing. Too political. Not very funny. Updated daily!

Frankenmuth
Germans are making a good start making up for WWII.

Thanksgiving
Great food, but gotta sell some family... way too big.

The Lions
Suck. Suck. Suck. Suck. Suck. Suck. Suck. Suck. Suck. Suck. Suck. Suck. Suck. ( I know it's more than 10 words, but it's needed.)

On Vacation

Back in a week. Enjoy this comic thing... I don't know what I think of it yet.

Torture? What Torture?

It seems the Iraqis are at it again. They are being accused of torturing prisoners. Their defense? "Torture? We haven't beheaded anyone!"
So let's have a little primer on rules the US has on prisoners vs. what the Iraqis rules seem to be.

US: All prisoners must be allowed to pray.
Iraq: All prisoners will be made to pray.

US: All prisoners will be given catered meals structured to Islam
Iraq: All prisoners may be fed their own entrails

US: All prisoners will recieve regular visits from a doctor
Iraq: All prisoners will recieve regular visits from "the doctor" (wink, wink)

US: All prisoners will be treated with respect
Iraq: All prisoners will be allowed to keep a few fingers

US: Anyone found abusing prisoners will be punished
Iraq: Hey, we haven't beheaded nobody!

US: We will afford non-americans the rights of americans even if it means we may not get information that will lead to the saving of americans.
Iraq: If you attack your own country you are no longer considered a countrymen and anything is fair game to save others.

Who's the extremists?

Job Change

It's finally been decided... I'm in the wrong job. How do I know? This "sculpture"...

Just sold for 23.8 million dollars! So, I will be quitting my job and soddering everything in my garage together and setting out to make my fortune. See you on E-bay.

P.S. I also rolled my cats in paint and threw them down the stairs onto a piece of canvas. Trust me, it's brilliant.

Consumer Beware

If there's one thing I've noticed there are just not enough warning labels on products. I mean we've put them on dangerous things like rat poison, draino, asprin, and pillows but there is nothing on a product that I'm sure has injured millions world wide and almost killed my youngest son. Of course I'm referring to ...marshmellows.
Now, given, by youngest is what you call slightly accident prone. This means he runs into walls, trips over grass, jumps into the path of golf clubs, and does some serious damage to himself while eating jello. But that's no excuse to not warn responsible parents about marshmellows.

The phone rings while my boys are at a party:
Mom: Hello? Uh-huh. Let me guess, Skyler. Is he all right?
Me: Sky's hurt?
Mom: Of course.
Me: How?
Mom: Marshmellow.
Me: Ok.

You know you're kid is really accident prone when you recieve an emergency phone call telling you your kid has been seriously hurt by a marshmellow and it doesn't even phase you.
How did this happen? Well, it seems he was roasting a marshmellow at a bonfire when it caught fire and as he raised it to blow it out he flicked it onto his face which severly burned his cheek, nose, and chin as it slowly crawled on fire down his face.
Sure he's prone to this but I'm still suing for damages. Think of the permanent mental damage let alone the physical damage if nothing else. The embarassment as he curls up in a fetal position when offered a smore, His irrational fear of snow, and his inability to watch Ghostbusters without terribe nightmares.
So a word of advice... friends don't let friends do marshmellows.

Lost with Lost?

So if you're watchin lost are the positives:
Great mystery, cool characters, cliffhangers, fantastic writing

Outweighing the negatives:
Confusing, nothing resolves, flashbacks of flashbacks, slower than a turtle?

For me? Not yet. I'm still enjoying it. But, this series definitely doesn't have legs and will burn out in a bad way I'm afraid. Too bad it's so popular because it's got no more than 3 seasons of good in it and that will be stretching it. As it heads into season 4 and 5 it will be horrid.

Time Waster Tuesday

Before we get to Time Waster Tuesday I once again must say... IF YOU ARE NOT WATCHING ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT YOU ARE MISSING THE BEST COMEDY SINCE SEINFELD!!!!!

And now... Elastic Baby.

Ooo Lah Lah

Well there is a major problem in the paradise that is France. It seems socialism doesn't make everyone happy or meet everyones needs... go figure. I had thought they would have made enough money off oil sales to Sadaam to end poverty. So, race, religious and socioeconomic based rioting has broken out in Paris and is spreading around the country. You'd think that since the French have had answers for all the US's problems they'd know how to handle this. But, the heart of their problem comes from one question they can't answer which has always been there rosetta stone in times of crisis... How do you retreat from yourself?

That Voodoo You Do

Well, it seems that in my rant a while back about not rebuilding New Orleans I left out one major cultural contribuition we would lose... Voodoo. Now, what would we be missing? Well according to this aritcle many things.

• Great sensitive quotes like this from Voodoo practitioners: "As of today I would say it's pretty dead".
• Expert tour guides who share what I'm sure is very factual information: "about 15 percent of the city's population actively practiced". WOW! That's alot of Voodoo and alot of dead chickens.
• Great good luck charms: "Some residents still sprinkle red brick dust on their doorway steps to ward off evil spirits." How'd that work out?
• Unique problems you can't have anywhere else: "If only she could find her snake for the closing ceremony. He was supposed to be in a bathtub of a friend's apartment. "
• Interesting understatements: The "go away" hurricane ritual was performed in July, just as it always is at the start of the hurricane season.
  "It didn't quite work out so well," acknowledged Giselle Moller, manager of Marie Laveau House of Voodoo.

So how can you help?

1) Encourage memorization with your children. It seems the younger generation has been lax to pick up voodoo because it's just so darn hard to learn.

2) Point out the benefits like...uh...well... cause ya can't just drink all day in New Orleans.

3) Remind people voodoo's not black magic, like the movies would have you believe, it's ritual magic... that doesn't work.

So I now declare tomorrow, Saturday Nov. 5th. National Voodoo Awareness Day. Go get your chickens.

...And Other Dangers

You may have seen the article on the minister from the South who was killed over the weekend when he reached for a microphone during a baptism and was electrocuted. Now, you may think the role of Clergyman is safe and only filled by girly-men. Let me tell you baptismal gloworm is not the only danger we face on a daily basis. Here's some others...

• Papercuts
• Forgeting to put down scissors before making the sign of the cross
• Slipping off a platform
• Falling podiums
• Potluck food poisonings
• Tipping over in chair
• Pew Paralysis
• and the ever possible stoning

Time Waster Tuesday

Enjoy!

Toonopedia