Wednesday, July 20, 2005

My Friend the Moviestar

One of my good friends in High School was a guy named Rich Hutchman (James, a regular poster here, also was part of our crowd). Well, after school Rich decided to go into acting even though I don't believe he's gay. He went off to Chicago and slowly started building his credits. I recently got news Rich, now in LA, will be appearing in the soon to be released Ewan McGregor film "The Island." So, at great risk to any friendship Rich and I may still have, and to hopefully prevent this film from being a complete bomb, I will offer a critic of Rich's vast media history, encouraging my 80 readers to view his first appearance in a major film. I haven't included the many commercials he's done, whoring himself for everything from Recycling Cans to dandruff shampoo, but only the shows I personally watched.
Chicago Hope (Robert Bacon): Desperate dad looking for help for his dying son. Rich wept like I hadn't seen since he fell off my moped and melded his leg to the tailpipe. Very nice performance.
NYPD Blue (Billy Garnett): Drawing on vast personal experince he played a mentally handicapped child molestor who get's beat up by the kid from Silver Spoons. Nice performance but not much of a stretch.
CSI (Jeff Pike): Rich has a cameo as a weird neigbor at a crime scene. This is how I picture Rich today. Standing in the street waiting for a neighbor to be murdered hoping it will get his face on the nightly news and get him a commercial for hemeroids.
Yes, Dear: My favorite Rich appearance. Rich played a man at his high school reunion lusting after the girl he had a crush on and dating his own sister (my paraphrase of the episode.) This was pretty unrealistic. Rich didn't have a sister, he dated cousins.
Disney's Phantom of the Megaplex (Shawn MacGibbon): Rich portrayed the theater manager revealed to be the Phantom! He made co-star Micky Rooney look like an old washed up actor. This movie is famous in my household, not for the embarassment it caused the Irish community, but because my kids watched it 8000 times. I will never forgive him for this.

Hey, in all seriousness, congrats Rich on all the success. It's been fun watching you on the screen and makes all who know you feel like we get to live a bit of the "Hollywood Life" (without having to go through the broken relationships, bloody gloves, diseases, and addictions.) Actually, spotting Rich has become one of our families favorite primetime pastimes. It never ceases to bring a smile when I get a call from my Mom or my sister to say, "Did you see Rich on TV last night?"

So look for this face...

at a theatre near you.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

The genius of Barry is surpassed only by that of Rich Hutchman. Rich has also been on the worst show ever seen on HGTV, called "You're Invited"

Anonymous said...

We can laugh, but we'll still nudge the person next to us in the theatre and say "I know that guy." :)

Anonymous said...

We can laugh, but we'll still nudge the person next to us in the theatre and say "I know that guy." :)

Barry said...

Heck yeah!!!! He's my ticket to fame!!!!

James said...

I wish I hadn't seen him sweat and beg and grovel and scrimp and save and whore out his soul for years and years. What the heck "hard work and sacrifice"! He is DESTROYING MY IDEA OF HOLLYWOOD MAGIC!

Barry said...

Whatever happened to old hollywood where all you had to do was sleep with a couple hundred producers. America is going so downhill.

Anonymous said...

Bah! Actor Boy still doesn't return my calls. Is he dating J Lo now?

Anonymous said...

We play "Can you spot Rich?" all the time at our house! Of course, the level of difficulty greatly increased when we got TiVo and have to spot him at hyper fast forward speeds. Guess I'm going to see "The Island" after all. Julia

Anonymous said...

Go Rich, Go! We've even seen him on TV here in Australia. The station SBS (the foreign movie channel) showed "Spaceman." We've seen him on CSI here and that Medical Investigations show. We are looking forward to him becoming more famous, so he has to go on an international movie promotional junket. Hey Rich, you can stay with us if they don't put you up someplace nice. :)
Sincerely,
Rich's Australian Based Fans

Anonymous said...

What about that wierd movie he was in where the group of guys beat that kid to death than tried to hide the murder? We have it on DVD I'm just too lazy to get my fat ass up to check the title. Priceless performance though.
The Island...bad movie - but Rich definitely saves it from awful. He is GREAT in it! Go see it today!! It's too fun to see Rich on the big screen.

Anonymous said...

Phantom of the Megaplex was on tv here in Melbourne, Australia on Sunday, August 7, 2005 at 3:30 pm. Great viewing time for the kiddies. It was up against "Moulin Rouge Girls," "Soccer-Italian Football League," "Football (Aussie Rules)-Brisbane Lions vs. Hawthorn," and "Trackside-Australian motorsport." I'm thinking that the Phantom must have gotten a lot of viewing considering that "mens" line-up.

The TV guide description is as follows: "A teenager lands a part-time job at a local movie multiplex. Directed by Blair Treu. PG (horror).