Keep'n It Green

When I was in high school in the late 80's we also had a big environmental fear... global cooling. We were being taught that by the early 2000's the UP would be covered in ice and we would all be migrating south if we didn't do something soon. Now, I know, you youngsters are saying, "How can that be? Everything is getting hotter, NBC is fighting global warming almost single-handedly, we are about to be drowned by the melting polar ice-caps. How can you have been scared of global cooling? How did you change it?"
I'll tell you how it changed! WE KICKED GLOBAL COOLINGS BUTT!!!!!!!!! THAT'S WHAT WE DID!!!!! WE GAVE MOTHER NATURE A BIG SHOT TO HER KISSER AND NOW IT'S TIME YOU YOUNG BUCKS STEP UP AND DO THE SAME!!!!"
"But, how did you do it?", you ask. I'll tell you how... I have no clue. But, man did we do a good job. Not only did we beat back global cooling but we did it so well we're now warming up too much. I assume we did it by selling and running more and more computers, DVD players, cars, punk rock music, and burning more marijuana than any generation before us.

So how can this new generation beat back Mother Natures newest offensive? Here's some ideas:

• Buy a freezer, no several freezers, and leave them running with the doors open.
• Keep your air conditioning running ALL THE TIME. In the summer your house should be at a cozy 45 degrees and in the winter a smoldering 33 degrees.
• Petition that beer company that makes the special cooling containers to make one that covers your entire state.
• Cover your big screen TV's and digital sound equipment in ice. Not only does it keep cool, which is good for it, but it will cool down the environment too.
• Wait out the scientist. By 2020 we'll be fighting global cooling again.
• Live your life like you could care less about the environment. It seemed to work for us. Too well.