Guest Blog!

It's time for "AROUND THE TABLE"! The blog that isn't afraid to tackle
the controversial issues with an unbiased eye, er, stomach. It's the
breakfast cereal review blog, and I'm your host and mentor, Special K!
(Not my real name. Cereal is a very competitive business).

Good morning. BAZ is taking the day off doing something very important
and who really cares so let me jump into good stuff.

I wanted to know what made LUCKY CHARMS so good. So I went to the
General Mills website, and they were kind enough to provide the answer:

A favorite for more than four decades, delicious Lucky
Charms cereal features frosted oats and colored marshmallows. Lucky
the Leprechaun creates the marshmallow shapes hearts, moons, stars,
clovers, horseshoes, pots of gold, rainbows and red balloons with his
rainbow magic. While kids love the taste, parents are happy that Lucky
Charms is fortified with 12 vitamins and minerals, and is a good
source of calcium. It's magically delicious!

There you go. "rainbow magic".

Well, we all know how great it is. A breakfast cereal review of Lucky
Charms would be like a movie review of Bullit or the new Dukes of
Hazzard. You know it's going to get ten out of ten before you even
read it.

So, my review is of THE COMPETITION. Malt-o-Meal comes out with these
cheap knock-offs of popular cereals. This stuff is so cheap, it comes
it a BAG instead of a BOX (Look, I'm totally serious here! I've bought
the stuff from a NORMAL GROCERY STORE).

Their Lucky Charms clone is called "Marshmallow Mateys" and instead of
a Leprechaun hawking toasted oat things and artificially-colored
petrified "marshmallow" shapes, it's a blue Kangaroo named "Cool Blue"
and his little yellow buddy "Li'l Oaty". The only question... IS IT
MAGICALLY DELICIOUS TOO?

Answer: AYE! it costs half as much and there is so much sugar you
won't believe it's not Lucky Charms. And as I mentioned, it comes
in a bag so you can use it as a pillow.

Also, the shapes are cool: "Yellow Parrot", "Pink Seashell", "Orange
Shovel", "Red Treasure Chest", "Golden Yellow and Ruby Red Mixed Up
Jewel", "Blue Sword", and the best: "Teal Dolphin"! These new names
roll off the tounge. Good-bye pink hearts and yellow moons! It's all
about TEAL, BABY!

Now, I can't quite give this foodstuff a perfect 10 because it's
supposed be PIRATE FOOD, right? Where is the skull and crossbones
printed on the package? Nowhere, that's where. Also, while I think the
shovel, the parrot, and the sword are pretty decent, I think maybe they
should have had an eye-patch, a cannon, a gun, and how about a
row-boat?

So I give Marshmallow Mateys a 9.5 out of 10!

Oh, yeah, I think it tastes pretty good, but it's hard to tell. I'll
let you know as soon as the roof of my mouth stops bleeding.

JOIN US NEXT TIME ON AROUND THE TABLE, WITH SPECIAL K!


Read more from this whacked out looney here.