Superman Lives

Well, the new Superman movie comes out next summer. It's none to soon because Superman's been getting a little tense. For example read the following... (Blogger sucks, so if you cant' see the picture go here.)


It's a rather nice bathrobe. Man, what a jerk.

Blog Site Not Totally Useless!

If you are a regular reader please excuse the fact that on most Thursday's I will be using the site for some actual purpose! I know it's a disapointment, but the usual mayhem will continue tomorrow and you may find something interesting in the meantime.

I am taking our teen group through a Christian history course for the next few months and on Wednesday evening I will be posting some links that will apply to what we are studying so hopefully you'll be patient.

If you're new, WELCOME! Take a look at the links that will give you more info on our study and feel free to browse other blog post and make idiotic comments.
Here are the links for this week (not all great but all have some good stuff):
The Most Famous History of Christian Martyr's
Information on the Fortress of Masada
Writings of Non-Christian Roman Historian Flavius Josephus
Information on Life in Ancient Rome
Pics and Information on What the Temple was Like

Translation Please

I love politician speak. The ability to make something slimy and crooked sound innocent and harmless. Take for example the opening paragraph of this article:

"Members of Congress are rushing to amend their travel and campaign records, fearing that the controversy over House Majority Leader Tom DeLay will trigger an ethics war that will bring greater scrutiny to their own travel and official activities."

Let me offer this translation:

"Members of Congress (our official criminals) are rushing (panicking) to amend (forge) their travel (vacation) and campaign (money laundering) records, fearing that the controversy (attempted hit) over House Majority Leader (rival Godfather) Tom DeLay will trigger an ethics war (retaliatory strike) that will bring greater scrutiny to (expose outside the mainstream media) their own travel (vacation) and official activities (criminal acts)."

Just to overemphasis the point here is the straight translation:

"Our official criminals are panicking to forge their vacation and money laundering records fearing that the attempted hit on rival Godfather Tom Delay will trigger a retaliatory strike that will expose, outside the mainstream media, their own vacations and criminal acts."

So remember, don't try to read the news without first learning the language.

Time Waster Tuesday

Thanks to loyal reader James for this amazingly wasteful Time Waster. NICE JOB JAMES!

Badger, Badger, Badger!

Don't leave 'till you at least see the snake.

Guess That Blogger

Reports are showing that everyone is blogging these days; Bruce Willis, Rosie O'Donnel, and various other stars among us normal folk. For instance here is a self description I found while browsing blogs the other day:
"I am a full blown nut job with bad hygein and some distinct body oder. i am a half *** musician but i still love playing. my life is centered around used cigerate butts and vodka with some occasional time given to my family."
I'm guessing Jessica Simpson. Any other guesses?

Hmmm...

They really need to make some changes to this Christian thing. I mean they are so far behind the times. For instance, they still meet on Sunday's. I mean that's a day I need to get ready for football and it's a chance to sleep in, they need to start meeting on Tuesday nights (except during the NBA season). And what's with the Bible as a guide thing? Can't we just follow Hitchhickers Guide to the Galaxy? It's much more entertaining and would probably offend less people. And I really don't want to follow that Jesus guy he's old news. They even believe in absolutes! I think that needs to be up to me to decide. Finally, who still believes in God? They really need to change some of this because I really like calling myself a Christian and playing on thier softball teams. If they don't I'm going to be one angry Christian until they become more like me. Besides, I know I'm not an atheist.


(Satire in honor of Liberal Catholics everywhere)

Catholics Just Blowing Smoke?

Just a few random thoughts on the Pope thing (sorry I'm a day late on blog Theme day):
-I'm glad they picked a Pope quickly cause watching smoke for days is not must see TV. I haven't seen that much smoke blown since the Presidential debates.
-What's with the changing your name when you become Pope? I want to do this in Protestent groups. Please refer to me now as Lando Calrissian the XXXXLV.
-How do I throw my hat in the ring for Pope and how big does it have to be?
-If the new guy is called "God's Rotweiller" is there a televanglelist somewhere known as "God's Poodle"?
-How stupid are all the Catholics that are upset that the new Pope isn't going to change the entire religion to agree with them? Pssst... If you don't agree with the teachings of the Catholic Church maybe you shouldn't be Catholic.
-Conclave is a great idea that should be used more often! Let's lock the Arabs and Jews, North and South Koreans, Democrats and Republicans, and Pistons and Pacers in a room and not let them out until they work things out... or change all their names to Ford Prefect VIII.

YOU IDIOTS!

Ok, right after losing over 35 pounds for the second time in my life the Center for Disease Control comes out and says being overweight isn't that bad. In fact, being a little overweight is probably good for you! HOW DO YOU IDIOTS HAVE A JOB!!!!!
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimated today that packing on too many pounds accounts for 25,814 deaths a year in the United States. As recently as January, the CDC came up with an estimate 14 times higher: 365,000 deaths. That's 7th on the list of killers below heart disease, cars, and guns for goodness sake!!!!!
I'd be better off not driving a car than trying to stay a healthy weight! MORONS!
You know, there was a day when scientist were supposed to know more than God. What happened?
And to top it all off the head of the CDC makes this comment: "The CDC is not going to use the brand-new figure of 25,814 in its public awareness campaigns and is not going to scale back its fight against obesity." Basically saying, "Our public awareness campaigns purposely don't keep the public aware."
So even when they know the truth they won't share it because it doesn't fit their view! WHAT THE HECK! If they are going to say to heck with the facts and just promote their opinions.... why not JUST HIRE ME!!!!!!!
I'm going to have a twinkie. No several twinkies.

Time Waster Tuesday

Here's a little link that has the most mind-mezmerizing music of any stupid game of all time!

The Deep Dark Sea

The Wonderful Wizard of Pot

Little safety tip in case of tornado's: Move to the west wall of your basement and get rid of the marijuana factory. It seems A tornado that ripped through Geoffrey Crook's home in Florida didn't just tear away his roof. Authorities say it exposed his elaborate marijuana-growing operation.
In other words, God made a drug raid. Gotta love it.
Makes me wonder if Dorothy wasn't up to the same thing. It would explain the bright colors and the subtle secret origin of the word... "Munchkins".

Open Season

They have now made it legal to kill non-collared, non-"under owners control" cats in Wisconsin.


No collar and no owner as far as I can see. See you all Monday.

A few links in the meantime:
LINK

And thanks to James: Feral cats

Time Waster Tuesday

A site that features a game called "Feed Fatty" has got to be able to waste some time.

Time Wasters click here.

Boycott War

Two-thirds of Americans say no nation should have nuclear weapons, including the U.S., and most of the others say no more countries should get them according to recent polls. I think there are a few more things no country should have:
-Poverty
-Crime
-Starvation
-Homeless
-Bad leaders
-Stupid poll questions
I'm so much better than everyone else for not wanting these things.

There Is No Sanity Clause

Well, the baseball season has begun. So what. Now on with my blog.

I grew up seeing the 3 stooges played on Saturday evening late night movies. They'd whine, and make weird sounds, and punch either other with increasingly dangerous objects. I never even cracked a smile. Never got it. Jim Carey carried on their legacy. Although I got a chuckle or two from bits of Dumb and Dumber, Ace Ventura did nothing for me.
Luckily, I discoverd the Marx Brothers. This was humor. Not brainless slapstick (although they have that too) but clever, thinking mans, make you laugh again and again, old-time humor. This was humor as science. They actually would take their movies on the road and perform them on stage before setting it to film to see where the best laughs were and how to improve them. Groucho's insults, Chico's scams, Harpo's pantomines, and Zeppo's... well Zeppo. They still can't be beat. If you watch the movies now you'll find yourself saying, "Seen it all before." That's because they did it first and have been imitated ever since.
Today TCM (Turner Classic Movies) is playing 11 of the Marx Brothers movies back to back from 8:30am-2:30am with the best one's, Night at the Opera and Duck Soup, in prime time. I've cleared my TIVO I suggest you do the same. Hopefully, when you're done the title of my blog will make sense.

At the Movies

According to a report by pollster George Barna for the typical adult in America, the number of movies they watch during the year is greater than the number of worship services they attend.
Now, Barna doesn’t say why this is the case, but I can take a few guesses.
-There are no hypocrites in Hollywood, unlike the church.
-The serving size of popcorn beats the measly amount of food you get for communion.
-Movie theatres aren’t always asking for my money.

If you like basketball...

How can you like the collge game? 56 3-point shots in the NCAA finals game! 24 of them were made for 72 points! That’s half the points in the game. Take into account the 16 points from free throws and you’ve got well less than half your points being scored off of actual skill or strategy. College basketball has become a 3-point exhibition and not even a good one!
Let's just make it more simple. Have each team come out, line up on their perspective 3-point lines and take turns shooting 3-pointers for 40 minutes.
How boring is this? Let’s take this model and expand the idea into other sports:
-A baseball game where over half the hitters attempt a bunt, only a quarter of them get on base, and over half the runs are either walked or bunted in.
-A hockey game where over half the points come off of slap shots from half-ice. But everyone fires from half-ice as soon as they get the puck and no one makes moves towards the goal. Cool for one game? Maybe. For a season?
-A football game in which every time a team gets within field goal range they try to kick one... even on first down!
-A soccer game in which… well just a soccer game.

Time Waster Tuesday

And now for your time wasting enjoyment it's Spiderman and his amazing friends:

Click Here

Boycotting Spring Break

Why do it? It's like playing Russian Roulette with your vacation time! The weather is better in Michigan for the next two days than in Orlando! You don't sleep in in the East due to Daylight savings! Everybody goes on Spring Break and your vacation activity ends up being standing in lines and sitting in your car! TV gets interrupted by insignificant stuff like the Fall of Baghdad 3 years ago and the death of the Pope this year! My kid got stung by a scorpion in a cabin in Tennesse on a Spring break trip... A FREAKING SCORPION IN TENNESSEE!!!!!! Our only good spring break was when we went North to Makinac Island!
So join me in boycotting Spring Break. Stay home. Turn off MTV. Work. Go about your ordinary life. Because you know it ain't spring yet, there will be one more snow.

It's All Over Man

A thorough analysis of the Koran reveals that the US will cease to exist in the year 2007, according to research published by Palestinian scholar Ziad Silwadi. Now if you're like me you say, "Prove it." Well, he does. He quotes in his study verse 40 of the Spider Sura, which states: "So each We [God] punished for his sin; of them was he on whom We sent down a violent storm, and of them was he whom the rumbling overtook, and of them was he whom We made to be swallowed up by the earth, and of them he whom We drowned; and it did not beseem Allah that He should be unjust to them, but they were unjust to their own souls."
Now other than Allah, who is one, refering to himself as "We" this looks pretty convincing. I mean right down to the year!
So here's what I suggest we do. Move to Canada. Won't that throw off Allah? The joke will be on Him... them... whatever. The US may be destroyed but we'll be living in.... Oh crap. Forget my plan and just kiss your butts goodbye.