Quick Reminder

Just a little public service announcement today:

PLACES YOU SHOULD NOT CHOOSE TO LIVE
1) In a "bowl" below the Gulf of Mexico

2) Hurricane prone coastlines

3) Eroding Coastlines

4) Right on the shore of the Mississippi River

5) At the base of a volcano

6) Next to a tribe of Cannibals

7) Neverland

8) Anywhere making the top ten on this list.

9) Or this list.

10) The past

So please remember if the real estate is cheap, scientist routinely point out how your town could be wiped out, you have pumps to keep your city dry, you live underneath anything you can't breath, or your local language is primarily French... it's time to move.

Time Waster Tuesday

Give it time to load and it will waste alot of time. Maybe we can get a bunch of TICS readers and play a round.

Enjoy InkLink.


And don't forget I'm still looking for guest bloggers!

A Grand Experience

This weekend I lived the lifestyle of the rich and famous. For our 15th wedding anniversary my parents gave us two nights at Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island. If you don't know what Grand Hotel is it's a 100+-year-old giant hotel on an Island where time has halted. There are no cars, only horse and carriages, the rooms are much what they were originally, and Esther Williams filmed several movies at their pool. I think rooms start at $300 a night and include a huge, "anything you can imagine" breakfast and a five-course meal every night.

Here are some of the things I learned about being rich from my Grand Hotel experience:
1) No one under 80 years old is rich. You either have to actually be over 80 or look over 80 to be rich. We got strange looks that said, "Hey, you're awfully young to be rich. Did you sneak in?"

2) All rich people are white. Except for 4 Japanese people.
3) Rich people like having black people wait on them. I'm not quite sure why this is, but all the wait staff were black. I think this is because rich people like to be reminded of slavery; it makes them feel even richer.
4) Rich people don't cook food. I've never eaten so much raw stuff--- fish, fish eggs, beef, etc. Even most the soups were cold. Is this because rich people can afford doctors if they get sick from eating uncooked food or because rich people also drink alcohol at all times and the cooks have realized that they don't notice all the cold food. I, not being a drinker, am on to this scam and now have as a career goal to be a private chef to a rich person. Unfortunately, I am not black.
5) Rich people like big band music. Bad big band music. Wedding bad big band music. I'm pretty sure this is because they are all over 80 and can no longer hear.
6) Rich people like paying big money for really small rooms with no air-conditioning. Maybe this is because it has "ambience", but more likely it may be because they've never been to a Super 8 and don’t realize most hotels have air-conditioning.
7) Rich people have never met their children. When asked if they have children they reply, "We think so, they may be some of those small people hanging out with one of those nannies."
8) All rich people's nannies are hot. I think this is because the rich husband hires them. Wink-wink.
9) Poorer people like making fun or rich people. But, that might have just been our waiters and us.
10) Rich people are all thin. I have a few theories on this:
-Heavy heroin usage.
-You really can't eat a whole lot of raw, cold food.

-They use so many eating utensils (there were like 6 forks—fifteen spoons—nine knives--- 3 pitchforks--- and 35 screwdrivers) that you just give up and don’t eat very often.
-They pay someone to exercise for them and keep them thin.
-Alot of exercise with the nannies (wink-wink, nudge-nudge)
-You burn a lot of calories keeping track of your slaves

So to wrap things up, thanks Mom and Dad for a great present! I only have one question: Where do you keep your slaves?

It's Pat!

"We could save alot of money just by assasinating the President of Venezuela."
"What the..."
"No you took that out of context what I meant was he could just be kidnapped."
"Oh, well in that case... What the... but you said assasinate him."
"Oh you have that on tape? In that case... sorry."

You know it's about time Christians became vocal about the runaway spending in this country and I for one am glad Pat Roberstson, the voice of Christianity (which I'm glad the media informed me of because as a Christian I'd thought that was Jesus!), had the guts to start the national conversation. Here's some more Christian ideas on how we could save some money:
Welfare System: Let 'em starve.
Pork Barrel Spending: Tourture policticians pets until they stop spending.
Disaster Relief: Assasinate Mother Nature
Gas Prices: Burn all cars going over the speed limit
Rising Wedding Costs: Prostitution
Illegal Immigration: Slave labor

Now these are just a few more Christian ways we could enrich ourselves so if the heathens out there, who have no moral standards, would get on board imagine how much money we could save! If we survive.

I'll be on vacation at the famous Grand Hotel for the next couple days, we got a great deal by kidnapping the owner. See ya on Monday.

Ask A Computer Support Specialist

Dear Computer Support Specialist,
I think I'm going crazy and I need your help. My daughter just turned 3 and she's going through this "NO!" phase. For some reason, my wife seems to find it "cute", but I'm not sure how much more I can take. It's like, "Maggie, time for bed", "NO!". Or, "honey, are you finished eating?" "NO!" and THEN SHE EATS SOME MORE! I even said "would you keep breathing for Daddy?". You know what she said?? "NO!" This is really driving me crazy, can you help me?
Signed,
Yes Man in Port Huron

Dear Yes Man,
Did you try toggling the power yet? Leave it unplugged for about 30 seconds before you plug it back in. Be sure to trace out all the connections. Is everything snug? Sometimes I like to reseat all of the cables anyway, just to make sure they are snug. You don't say, but I'm curious, what has changed in the system config recently? Have you installed any new software? One thing to consider is your network security, it's entirely possible you have some kind of virus! If you haven't done a malware sweep recently, you probably want to, assuming you have a software AND hardware firewall already installed. If things don't improve, I would recommend a complete reinstall from media. This is generally good practice anyway, but if you aren't running servicepack 2 yet you should at least upgrade.

Dear Computer Support Specialist,
I'm a small business owner and I run a small tool-and-die shop. I employ about 10 people most of whom have been with me for over ten years and a couple have been at the company since I started it up 20 years ago. Anyway, lately business has been pretty weak. Not terrible, just weak. It's been taking longer and longer hours on my part to keep things stable and it's having an effect on my home life. I'm missing school activities for the kids and my wife has been giving me grief, probably not without reason. I feel obligated to keep the business running, but it's just sucking more and more of my life,and yet, I feel obligated to my employees. I'm having trouble finding a balance, and lately, I've started huffing paint to make it through the day. HELP!
Signed,
Over Obligated Huffer

Dear Huffer,
How long has the system been up? I usually turn my box off every night. I strongly recommend that you reboot the thing. Better yet! Toggle power on it and leave it off for a good 30 seconds or a minute! Did that fix the problem? How much RAM do you have installed? If you run out of memory and it starts swapping to disk, you are going to be hurting. If your CPU is under 500 Megahertz and you are trying to run modern software applications, of course you are not going to be having a lot of fun. You probably want to get a faster box. You might want to defragment your hard drive. Of course, I'm assuming you have already traced out your cables and made sure all the connections are snug. One time, this lady had her mouse plugged into the keyboard and then she was surprised when her machine wouldn't boot! Ha ha, of course it won't boot like that. Try getting the latest anti-virus software and scan your system for viruses and spyware. If you are not behind a firewall, that is probably your problem.

Thank you Computer Support Sepcialist for the difference you are making. Feel free to use my blog space anytime.

Time Waster Tuesday

Today's time waster is a little blast from the past...

Enjoy the Speak-and-Spell

Revenge of the 70's Tees

It seems 70's stupid message Tee Shirts are making a come back. Here's some of my favorites I've seen recently:

• I wanted to marry an alien but 11 states voted against it.
• You had me at Jesus Juice.
• Don't drink and dial. Call a friend not an ex.
• Boycott Shampoo. Demand real poo.
• What happens in Mexico... can't be cured with antibiotics.
• Drink Apple Juice 'cause OJ will kill you.
• What cheapskate gives Frankensense?
• Why I chose to be gay: Being condemend builds character.
• I survived the 2004-2005 Hockey Lock-out
• I voted for the black Pope.
• You'll never be the man your mother was.
• I attended college for 4 years and all I got was this lousy job.
• Rednecks do it with family.
• Money can't buy happiness but it can buy alot of anti-depressents.
• Big Brother is Watching... Pervert!

There once was a blogger named Fabian...

There once was a blogger named Fabian,
Who whined like only a baby can.
His content did soften,
So we read it less often,
And it disappeared ne'er to appear again.

My first introduction to blogging was with a little site called Fabiansworld that was linked here at my site. Now sure it was trite, sounded like a Jr. Highers personal diary, and updated about once a month, but it was inspiring if in no other way to let us know anyone could do a blog. Well, Fabiansworld has gone the way of the dodo.
Ya know some people just don't have the will, discipline, intelligence, sense of humor, depth of insight, good looks, popularity, variety of interest, or sense of public duty to regularly update their blog. Thank God for people like me. I'm here for the long run.
But, I want to offer my site to all you who dream of doing a regular blog but don't quite meet the depth of character needed. If you have a blog that just needs to be posted somewhere please e-mail me your thoughts and I'll post you here. If no one takes me up on this offer I'll probably just quit.

Uninformed Opinions

Today is the first in what may become a semi-regular feature here at TICS: Uninformed Opinions. I'll take a few current topics in which I have gained all my information from radio news breaks and comic books and make sweeping, heartless, black and white judgements. Enjoy.

War Protesting Mom
Ok, ya gotta feel for her with her son being killed and all but... Come on, now she wants Israel out of Palestine, the Prez impeached, more cheese on her burgers and equal rights for Martians. The media is playing this women like a fiddle. Hey, there are a 1000 times this many people protesting gay marriage, abortion, prayer in school, and the posting of the 10 commandments everyday and they don't get this kind of coverage! A headline yesterday said she's splitting the country. The only thing I see her splitting is what's left of her family. The country could care less.

Gas Prices
What are we Honduras? Is it just coincidence that record gas prices come with an oilman in the White House? Come on we can land on the freaking moon but we can't run engines on water or broccoli? Glad it's summer and I have a motorcycle.

Israel and the Gaza Strip
Hey, your elected governement says it's time to get out and give peace another shot. You lose sympathy when you become the terrorist and show the same disrespect for law the Pallestinians do. You were supposed to be the good guys. However, if this doesn't bring peace? It's time to make it.

BTK Killer Trial
Still just makes me want a sandwich from Burger King.

T.O. and the Eagles
If you could give professional athletes a bad name this guy would do it. You're upset your coach told you to shut-up? Fans have been telling you that for years! Ahh, just three words for ya T.O: Career Ending Injury.

Now if you want to reply and you're really informed on these issues then start your own blog. However, if you're uninformed and still need to give an opinion feel free to reply. Maybe if we do enough of these we can land a job with a major news network?



P.S. Today's my 15th wedding anniversary. The first 14 didn't work out so well so here's hoping. I love ya dear, wherever you may be!

I'm Baaaaack!

Differences between the US and Honduras:

1) U.S: I'm 6' 1"
Honduras: I've gotta be like 7'
2) U.S: People understand hands can be used in sports
Honduras: Concept of hands hasn't caught on.
3) U.S: Lovely petting zoos filled with lambs, goats and horses
Honduras: Scary petting zoos filled with cockroaches, spiders, and lizards... in your bed!
4) U.S: Three square meals a day.
Honduras: Three meals of chicken and beans everyday.
5) U.S: Beautiful airports.
Honduras: A 7-11 with a runway the size of a parking lot.
6) U.S: Lots of children in schools.
Honduras: Most of the children on the streets.
7) U.S: Best clothing stores in the world
Honduras: U.S. hand-me-downs that people wouldn't even give to Goodwill
8) U.S: Christians that seem to have forgotten what it's all about
Honduras: Christians living the life
9) U.S: Teens that spend the majority of their time on themselves
Honduras: U.S. teens who worked hard, spent hard earned money, and forgot about themselves for two weeks.
10) U.S: Mothers protesting for weeks outside in the dirt.
Honduras: Mothers trying to raise a family of 8 on $2.25 a day living in the dirt.

If you've never been to third world country to try to lend a hand I encourage you to give it a thought, Christian or not.