Baby!

A Moscow women has given birth to a 17 pd 1oz baby girl. All I can say is it looks like the continued dominance of the Russian Women's Volleyball Olympic Team.

We need some good captions for that picture:

"She's gonna eat me!"

"Who was your Mom's doctor? Barry Bonds?"

"Dang, I feel inadequate."

"Is that a sharpei?"

"I think I've started orbiting her."

"Hey, tiny. Get me a sandwich!"

Horrifiying!

The US Women's soccer team was elminated in a stunning upset by Brazil in the World Cup finals in China! A stunning loss for both women's soccer and the US itself. It was pretty amazing. I sat in stunned silence as I watched Marta score...
Ha. Just kidding. I watched the Bionic Women debut. It was pretty good. I wouldn't watch women's soccer if it was played in my back yard.

Ten Word Reviews

Of the shows so far in the new Fall season...

Chuck: Not bad, not good. Enough ideas for about 6 episodes.
Heroes: Too many characters. Too much self-importance. Too much hype.
Journeyman: Quantm Leap II with a 21st century darkness. Might work.
The Batman: Best version of the Justice League ever on TV. Excellent!
The War: Ken Burns continues to make definitive documentaries. Don't miss it.

Time Waster Tuesday

Now that the boys are learning to surf the web they are getting some truly educational television. So, a Time Waster shared by the TICS Jr. editors:

Llama, Llama, Duck

Bloganator

So Wendy's now has a sandwich called the Baconator. It's like five pounds of ground beef with sixty five pieces of bacon deep fried in lard (Actually 2 patties and 6 pieces of bacon). It was pretty good. I've only had one and when I regained conciousness 3 days later I was still pretty sluggish. I think more restaurants need to stop playing games with us by trying to look healthy and do some honest naming like Wendy's. I mean the Baconator says right up front, "I'm gonna hurt you bad."
Maybe...
The Greasealicious Burger
The Heartstopper Whopper
The Triple Threat Burger
Clogamatic Size Fries
The Bloodthickener Shake
The Year Stealer BLT
The Baconator Trilogy (6 patties and 18 pieces of bacon)

My mouth is already watering and my heart is slowing down just thinking about it.

Following the herd...

OJ's girlfriend was in court and said she'd support him to the end. I'm thinking, the "end", being when he kills her. I can't wait till this story is over so we can get back to real news. I haven't heard about Brittney in a week!

The Juice is Back!

Okay, now that OJ is back in the news what are some rhymes you expect to hear at his trial?

• If he didn't have a gun, you must let OJ run.
• If you accuse him of robbery, it's a form of snobbery.
• If it was his stuff, don't give him no guff.
• If he didn't break in, he can't go to the pen.
• Give him bail, don't throw him in jail.
• He's all ready sixty, why be so picky.
• His wife has been snuffed, hasn't he been through enough? (Too soon?)

PG-13 Alert but I just cant resist: If it was just memorabilia, don't kick his genitalia.

Time Waster Tuesday

I just love this site. Type in Acappella (it may ask if it's and artist or song, select artist) and get some real interesting music.

Pandora Custom Music

The REAL Heroes TV Show

If you like Heroes and you've missed The 4400 on USA network you don't know what a real Superhero show is all about. Here is my brief summary so you can start watching NOW...

• 4400 missing people from the last 100 years suddenly reappear in a flash of light near Seattle.
• These people begin exhibiting superpowers.
• A government agency is created to track and control the group.
• One of the two main agents has a son that is a 4400.
• One 4400 (Jordon Collier) starts a group to help 4400 defend themselves against an increasingly hostile governement and public.
• He's killed.
• Agents son, who has the power to heal, takes over the organization.
• Ex-leader rises from the dead and comes back as the 4400 messiah and vows to take them to the promised land.
• The government isolates the chemical that causes the 4400 power and finds it's odds of working in a normal person is 50-50. 50% get powers, 50% die.
• Jordon steals the chemical and starts passing it out to the general public with the plan to have 4400's come to power in the world. They set up a "fort" in Seattle. When the government moves in to take them out with chemically powered soldiers the 4400 defeat them and expand the boundaries of their zone. "Everytime you move against us we will expand."
• Agents son thinks this is wrong and forms a group of 4400 to oppose Jordon and develop a test to see who will die from the chemical. He thinks the 4400 must live in cooperation with the regular population and a 50% death rate is unacceptable.
• BIG THING: It seems the 4400 were taken from a group in the future who live in a war ravaged world. They kidnapped and created the superpowered people and sent them back to 2002, a pivotal year, to stop certain things from happening and change the future for the better. However, there is a group in the future who is in charge of the new world and wants to stop things from changing. They have captured 7 current people ("the marked"), taken them to the future and injected them with microscopic machines which over the course of a short time allow for them to be controled by the future. One of our main agents has just become a sleeper agent.
• Jordan has been captured and been injected with the sleeper agent nano-tech.
• One guy develops the power to spread the chemical as a virus. All of Seattle is infected, half are dying half are developing power. Seattle drops into chaos.
• The government is forced to ask Jordans group to use their powers to provide security until a cure is found.
• A cure is found. The virus is stopped.
• Jordan's group refuses to give up power and takes over Seattle.
• All the agents that were exposed to the virus and surived, most the main characters, now have superpowers.
• WATCH THIS SHOW!

High School Musical 2 All Naked Version!

As you can tell from the title of today's blog it's about sports! (If you're new to the blog my sports blogs always have salacious titles to make non-sports fans read further). I wanted to call your attention to an early bowl game this weekend.
Don't miss Notre Dame vs. Michgan in what I am now officially calling "The SuckBowl". Two winless teams, two freshman QB's, two coaches on the verge or extinction... if you like High School JV football then the Suckbowl is your game.
Some good quotes on the Suckbowl already...
"Hey, Michgan could win. Notre Dame is no Appalachian State."
"Someone, by rule, is required to win this one."
"One of these teams is about to turn around their season."

So spend your Saturday with... The SuckBowl.

Buying Me A Sportscar

I'm not a big car guy but if I was, I'd want a convertible. So, 6months ago I went to this car dealership that was advertising on TV that they would sell me a brand new, fully loaded, convertible for only $50 a month!! WOW! I figure I can afford about $250 so this is a no brainer.
So I go down to the dealership and sure enough it's exactly as advertised. Sure, there's a little catch, after 6 months it jumps to triple the interest of most car payments, but I figure, how much can that be? Besides, in six months I should be able to find a way to pay some extra and I'm expecting my wife to triple her piano students so we should be alright.
Well, it's six months later and I just got my new payment number. $650 a month! It's an outrage! What a rip off! And now they want to take my car back. That's so unfair. It's my car. How am I gonna get to work? Do they expect me to go back to driving a used car? I wrote and complained to the mayor about these terribly unfair practices these conmen perpetrated on me.
Thank goodness he's a great guy! He said he's gonna do something about all this, like give me some extra money from my neighbors so I don't lose my car (they only have a used car so they have some extra cash.)
Next, I think I'm gonna look into one of those new, low APR mortgages. Oh, and I heard they're gonna offer that sportscar plan again if you're interested.

Time Waster Tuesday

In honor of all you who don't like the start of football season here's a sport you might find more interesting:

Cheeserolling

You Can't Take That From Me

Okay, Fred Thompson is formally in the race. So far I like him more than anyone else in the race but I'm thinking, similar to Bush the first time he ran, I don't know much about him so I can sort of imagine he thinks like me. I know the bubble will eventually burst.
No sooner am I thinking these things than we get Fred insisting this weekend that an Al Qaeda smoking ban was one reason freedom-loving Iraqis bolted to the U.S. side.
Thompson said the smoking ban and terror tactics Al Qaeda used to oppress women and intimidate local leaders pushed tribes in western Anbar Province to support U.S. troops.
Ok, he got the terror tactics and intimidation and oppression things right (little aside: Didn't Democrats used to go after those who oppresed women?) but what's up with the smoking ban thing?
So I started thinking, maybe he's right. What would the US government need to take away from me to make me side with Al Qaeda? Freeom of speech? Freedom of religion? Taxation without representation? Nah, not so much. Here's my short list.
1) Comic books
2) DirectTv
3) Hostess Cupcakes
4) Boardgames
5) Blogs

So just a shout out to the Feds, you can take my freeom but if you take the things that allow me to be fat and lazy, once I thin down, I coming for ya.

Here We Go...

Apple users are idiots. There you heard me say it. You are all a bunch of mindless, zombie, cash cows. When are you going to learn that your beloved company just takes advantage of your fervor?

The ipod realease a "greatest ever" version ever other month. I remember when I almost bought one when Jobs came out and said, "This is the ultimate Ipod. It does xy&z. You'll never need anything else." One month later, "Hey, we just made an Ipod that plays video now! You gotta have it." Until a month later. No thanks.

Now, either Apple has the fastest research and development process in history or they know they have something better in the near pipeline when they try to sell you the "newest" thing. The next model has got to actually be in the boxes while they are promoting their current product as the "top of the line". Not convinced? Well, they've done it again.

CEO Steve Jobs apologized and offered $100 credits Thursday to customers who shelled out $599 for the most advanced model of the iPhone, only to have the company unexpectedly slash the price $200 in a push to boost holiday sales. So basically, we know those first idiots will spend anything for our new product so let's jack the price up on them. But we've already planned to slash it (Translation: Sell it for the price we always intended) to draw in new (smart)customers and we'll apologize by giving them $100 back and still make a nifty $100 on their loyalty.

I've finally figured out who Steve Jobs is...

Remember?

Remember Laser Tag? Putting on the plastic vest and taking your plastic gun and trying to shoot each other with invisible light that you were never sure was really working? Then your opponent would just stick their head and gun around a corner and fire away so they couldn't be hit? Yeah, it got annoying.
Therefore I was wondering what we'd get last night when we hired a company to come and set up a laser tag arena for our teen school year kick off.
HOLY CRAP! Laser dot sights on 8 pd. submachine guns and 15pd M16's. They shoot 1000 ft. at several head sensors and sensors on the guns! You have to replace clips, switch from auto to single shot, and reboot when dead. They shoot through walls, can burn through steal, are used by the CIA, and can take out small planets.
Here's the link: Laser Team Challenge

Morning Sci-Fi

So, they put on "Good Morning America" in the gym I work out in in the mornings. My guess is they do this to get you good and angry so you can work out harder. Anyway, here was their lead up blurb to an upcoming "report".
"So if every human on earth dissappeard how long would it take for Mother Nature to reclaim what is hers? How long would it take for her to fix all we have destroyed? A new book takes a look at this intriguing question." This was done over pictures of the Statue of Liberty and smoke stacks because we know it's only the US that Mother Nature is ticked at (What's with the mother nature thing? Is it a secular version of Intelligent Design theory?)
First of all, is there a chance this is gonna happen? Do they have some inside information that ALL humans are about to "disappear"? What meaning does this story have for me and my day? Am I supposed to prepare for disappearing? And since when do we start covering fictional book events as real life news? Will we start covering Fantasy Football scores on ABC's sports reports soon? My guess is there were no good real fear stories to cover so it was time to go with the made up ones.
So I thought of some other good fictional stories the professional reporters down at "Good Morning America" need to cover:
1) If the Martians attack which of their foods will prevent heart disease?
2) If the sun goes out tomorrow how many batteries will we be needing?
3) How will we prevent rioting during the Lions Superbowl win?
4) What do you do with a coach of a college ranked Big 10 team who losses too a division 2 school at home? (What's that? This happened?)
5) If all the trees turn blue tommorow how will it affect the fashion industry?
6) If pigs begin to fly will they be classified as birds?
7) If the Flash and his clone enter the Boston Marathon who wins?
8) If a Hillary becomes President how long till we have world peace?
9) If all our milk turns instantly to gasoline which cow should you be driving?
10) If we started reporting real stories how long till we could get our credibility back?