Those who forget the past...

So Christy Lee Cook is out. Well, she should have seen it coming. She was in the bottom 3, I think, all but 1 week which should have led her to the tactic all past hot babes have taken when they realize they aren't going to go very far on talent alone... start peeling off clothes.
Yes, Christy took the high road and left her clothes on and it cost her. Past contestents like Haley and Mcphee and Pickler were able to hang on weeks further than they should have by learning the fine art of a month long striptease.
Kudos to Christy for not taking that route. Let's hope, as she drops into obscurity, the lightbulb dosn't go on and she ends up on the net or some men's magazine. Let's also hope David Archeletta doesn't think this strategy will help him.

Not So Sexy Anymore Are Ya?

The once invulnerable Australian accent which could make Olivian Newton John a star, get at least two Crocadile Dundee movies made, sell average beer, make crappy 80's bands successful, and steal women away from those much more deserving has taken a huge hit. Kiss your dominance goodbye, Australian accent!
Micahel Johns, of American Idol, seemed a shoe in to win because all the women I know (that would be about 3) just tripped over the accent regardless of his wannabe talent, has been booted. He's is gone. HA! Take that Australia.
Throw Micahel on the barbie!

Rocky Mountain High

Well, we're settled in in Colorado. Someone here said, "The only reason people from Michigan say they would never want to live anywhere else is if they have never been anywhere else." So in honor of that comment here are ways Michigan is better than Colorado...

• The snow last 6 months not just 6 hours.
• The high humidity.
• Don't have to worry about new people moving in because of the job market.
• Don't have to worry about sunburn.
• You find you really miss urban blight.
• State pride is overated.
• You can't beat sking at Mt. Brighton.
• Mosquitos.
• Indoor living.
• Bigger opportunities to "invest" financially in my state.
• Obese people.
• The Lions. Need I say more?

Man, I miss Michigan.

Idol Brings Me Back

Okay, American Idol is back and that has motivated me to return to blogging.


Thoughts....

• Simon's nicer this year. Too bad.


• The best group of singers in a long time.


• Unfortunately they're all guys... the girls suck. Maybe two can stay in for a while... Carly Smithson (who will prove to be unlikable) and Ramiele Malubay (great voice but can she go the distance and get better?).


• The contest is already over. They have one of the most talented singers/artist since Fantasia but a little bit more main stream in David Archuleta. He is phenomonal and will win hands down. The only one who can give him a run is Michael Johns due to the Australian accent.

So there we go. Stupid old American Idol brings be back to the blog. We'll see how long I stick with it this time seeing as how I'm in the middle of a cross country move.

So Long, Farewell

I know it's been forever since I've updated the blog but here's why in a nutshell...
After 14+ years in Bailey, MI we are moving to Colorado Springs, Colorado where I will be working for Sunnyside Christian Church as the lead minister of a church plant/satellite called Meridian Point Church. Needless to say the last few months have been a whirlwind and we should be heading west in about 2 weeks.
So... I'll start updating again once we're settled. Until then keep an eye on those northern borders.

Best of TICS: Wisconsin In Crisis! 4-13-05

It seems Wisconsin has a major problem... feral cats. Now I'm not sure I know exactly what a feral cat is, and the people dealing with them in Wisconsin haven't been able to give a good definition, but from what I gather they are a little bigger than the average housecat and a little smaller than a Sherman tank. It seems these gigantic stray cats are breeding uncontroably and causing general mahem, like tipping over trash cans, running up large credit card bills, and playing pool. But mainly they are eating birds. Lots and lots of birds. Now I know you're thinking, "This is an easy problem to solve: Kill the cats. I mean how easy would it be to find some proffessional cat killers? Heck, amateur ones would be a dime a dozen." (On a similar note check out this link)
But, here is the problem... animal rights activist. Cat loving animal rights activist and bird loving animal rights activist. The bird side is wanting the cats to die to save the birds and the cat side is willing to let the birds die to save the cats. Now you see the crisis.
WHY THE HECK WON'T ANIMALS RESPECT OTHER ANIMALS! IT'S INHUMANE!
I'm at a loss. Please post your suggestions before we lose all the benefits Wisconsin brings to our union. Like cheese, and uh... uh... well there's... Hey! They're a good buffer zone between civilization and Canada!

Best of TICS: Pull 'em Up 2-22-05

Ahh, the fashion police. If you live in Virginia you better get those pants up. That's right the Virginia house voted 60-34 for a bill which would impose a $50 fine on anyone whose boxers, briefs or thongs peek above their pants or skirts.
Finally, the government is getting to some important issues. Forget immigration, jobs, terrorism, and constitutional freedom, we need more lawmakers like the guys in the Virginia House. So come on lawmakers let's move on some other pressing issues of our day:
-Rounding up and killing that whole breed of hairless cats.
-Raising the minimum wage to $50 an hour, so I can work part-time at McDonalds and play more video games.
-Speeding up global warming, at least in Michigan.
-Shooting on site anyone who doesn't use a turn signal
-Deporting all Canadians
-Kicking Virginia out of the Union
-Sentencing Ashley Simpson to the chair

The Best of TICS: It Worked for Germany 2-1-05

A recent poll showed that 36% of American students think the press should have their articles checked by the government before being published. Now, I know, people will say, "that's crazy" or "stupid kids". But come on, the governement would probably be really fair and just make sure the facts are right.
For example I've submitted this column today to a government "fact checker" to show that our freedoms would not be infringed. The guy was a complete and utter hunk of a man, but I put that personal assement aside when he assured me he'd just make sure I have my facts correct and not censor my ideas.
I can still say the goverment Is Great and it will see print. I mean, sure the government tends to do a fabulous job educating our kids but that doesn't mean they'd try to censor the fact. Even though we consistently have some of the highest performances of all modern countries the government would let us know the truth. As a matter of fact I love the government with all my heart but I can't see them being that biased. Actually, I think the government should have more control of our lives. It so happens God told me last night a free press is totally unneccesary. So send in twice your due taxes and submit all blog articles to www.whitehouse.gov before publishing. I know some of what I wrote in those last few sentences probably stunned you as it exposed some glaring faults in our government, but I think you'll find it won't be censored.

Best Of TICS: Anarchist Unite! 1-21-05

I've been kinda a third party political guy for a long time. Not really satisfied with the Republicans, not able to side with the Democrats. I tend to be on the lookout for a third party that might fit me. I thought yesterday I'd found the group for me.
At the Inauguration the group that caught my attention were the anarchist. I was impressed by how organized they were and how they seemed to really follow their leaders well.
Their rally cry alone stirs the heart: "Take the day off! Call in sick to work or school and join others from around the country to inaugurate resistance to the American empire. Hundreds of thousands of people around the country will flood the streets on Thursday, January 20, as Bush is confirmed in the presidential inauguration as the head of the empire for four more years. "
And take a look at some of the events planned by the Anarchist Resistance:
Monday, January 17
11:00 am - Community Outreach Day. Meet at the Convergence Center, 39 New York Ave NE. We will be distributing information on the protests, as well as information about what anarchists stand for, throughout Washington, DC.
Tuesday, January 18
7:00 pm - Benefit Show for Street Medics.
Wednesday, January 19
1:00 pm - Radical Cheerleaders Mini-Cheerleading Convergence. Come by between 1:00 and 7:00 to share cheers, practice your skillz, make supplies, or sleep in a corner.
Thursday, January 20
12:30 pm - Anarchist March and Anti-Authoritarian Bloc.

I mean, this looks great. Our huge, bloated, scattered government seems decentralized, confusing, and disorganized. But these Anarchy folk seem to really be organized and have good centralized leadership. I think they have the foundation of a much better government.
But, as I searched their sites more and more I quickly realized I just don't think I'd fit in with this group. I tend to be a loner and not really in favor of too much order or centralized control of organizations. I compliment them for their structure and ability to organize, but I just don't mind, and even prefer, a little chaos. So I guess anarchy just isn't for me.

Best Of Tics: 1-5-05

Now I’m not the greatest animals rights person in the world. If you’ve been to our house and met our dog you have probably even had me ask you to kill it. But, sometimes animal cruelty is taken to such a horrible level I feel I need to comment.
This article contained such cruel treatment of seals I couldn’t ignore it.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004 - Los Angeles County supervisors expressed concern Tuesday that the $700,000 estimate to replace the official seal on thousands of items might soar because the new decals haven't effectively covered the old versions."The original plan was just to cover up the seals," said John Musella, spokesman for Supervisor Don Knabe. "Now, they will have to pay to physically remove the old seals and put up brand new ones, which will escalate the costs greatly beyond the $700,000 estimate the Chief Administrative Office gave the board."On Monday, county officials discovered that the tiny Christian cross on the two original seals in the Board of Supervisors' hearing room could be clearly seen through the new $1,800 seals glued on to cover up the cross. In fact, the cross is now directly over the rendering of the San Gabriel Mission, which is pictured on the new seal without a cross.Earlier this year, county workers installed the two 6-foot-diameter seals costing $3,800 on the wall behind the supervisors' chairs at the Kenneth Hahn Hall of Administration.In May, the American Civil Liberties Union of Southern California threatened to sue unless the cross was removed. In June, the supervisors took the first of several 3-2 votes to replace the seal with a cross-less version. On the new seal, the Pomona goddess of fruits is replaced by an American Indian woman and the cross above the Hollywood Bowl is erased. The bowl is moved up a position, and the San Gabriel Mission now rests in its former spot.On Tuesday, county workers took the new seals off the wall of the board room in preparation for transporting them to the county sign shop to figure out how to repair them."I'm not sure what we are going to do next," said Tom Tindall, an Internal Services Department general manager who oversees the sign shop. "We took a vinyl buffer and put that on the seals. We thought that would completely mask the old seal."Chief Administrative Officer David Janssen said the seals still looked "horrible" when he viewed them Tuesday morning."Whatever it is that needs to be done, (ISD) is paying for it because they did a terrible job," Janssen said. "They just need to take a look at it and figure out how to smooth it out. They said just a piece of plastic between them will work."But Tony Bell, spokesman for Supervisor Michael D. Antonovich, said he thought Janssen was downplaying the situation. He said Antonovich now expects the price of the total replacement project to rise."It's taken a real toll on taxpayers, especially at a time when resources are precious, just to appease the ACLU," Bell said. "The old seal never had its day in court. It's just a shame."

I have several comments after reading this article:
1) "expressed concern Tuesday that the $700,000 estimate to replace the official seal"
If people are paying $700,000 to replace their old seals I am looking for volunteers to head to the artic and help me catch some.
2) "The original plan was just to cover up the seals,"
What kinda of monsters try to just cover up old seals. At least give them the dignity of a good clubbing death.
3) "discovered that the tiny Christian cross on the two original seals in the Board of Supervisors' hearing room could be clearly seen through the new $1,800 seals glued on to cover up the cross."
As a Christian I must speak out on the fact that they are gluing non-christian seals to Christian seals just to cover up small crosses they are wearing, I’m sure, as an evangelism tool. It’s worse than Rome people!
4) "two 6-foot-diameter seals costing $3,800"
Aren’t seals 6ft. in diameter a little chunky?
5) How exactly do you repair a seal? Are they leaking? Do they not do the work like they used too? Has their typing speed slowed down?
6)"We took a vinyl buffer and put that on the seals."
What kind of sickos put a vinyl buffer on a poor old seal. Come on Los Angeles, you need to stop the plastic surgery on everything that moves. Enough is enough!
7) "The old seal never had its day in court. It's just a shame."
I would like to offer my services to make sure these seals are represented fairly in court against the ACLU. Just because they can’t speak, are slimy, don’t stand up well to baseball bats, and tend to reek of mackerel, doesn’t mean the constitution of the United States of America does not apply to them.
GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD SAVE THE SEALS!

Best of TICS: December 16, 2004

Ok, look, I’m a Christmas freak. Come the day after October 31, I put away all my “Celebrate Satan” paraphernalia (“I’m offended we’re celebrating Halloween on Sunday, I’m gonna celebrate Satan on Saturday like a good Christian”), skip Thanksgiving (Mom:“Let’s go around the table and share one thing we’re thankful for.” Me: “I’m thankful we only do this once a year!”) and get on with the Snowbiz! Giant inflatable lawn figures, lights in the shape of jalapeno peppers, screensavers of blinding blizzards, melting credit cards, and feelings of good cheer! BRING IT ON!

And right as I’m in the middle of this flurry of fast flying frenetic festivities I go see the Polar Express. It’s IMAX. It’s 3D. IT’S $14! If that doesn’t say Christmas what does?

Now, I consider the Claymation “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” as the greatest Christmas cheese of all time. It’s the timeless origin story of Santa and Mrs. Claus (think Batman Year One at the North Pole). It’s got the Winter Warlock who’s heart is melted by someone showing him unconditional love, it’s got young Santa fighting against stereotypical toy nazi Burgermiester Burgermeister, it’s got optimism overcoming negativism, it’s got childlike wonder overcoming adult jadedness! It even explains how Santa found freaking reindeer that fly!!!! It uses the metaphor of the legend of Santa to remind you of the real meaning of Christmas.

In contrast, The Polar Express reminds me why I hope to get run over by a reindeer this year. It’s drivel. The elves let a “naughty” kid off “because, heck, it’s Christmas”! WHAT?!?! BRING ON THE COAL! The main message is you need to believe Santa is real, wouldn’t that be great? YEAH IF YOU WANT TO LOSE YOUR JOB AND END UP IN THE PSYCH WARD! They actually say at the end, “It’s not about where the train is going, but whether you get on.” YEAH UNLESS IT’S GOING TO THAT CANNIBAL VILLAGE UP THE LINE! I BET YOU’D CARE THEN YOU STUPID KID!

I feel like being a better person after watching corny claymation because it conveys the spirit of Christmas. I feel like hurting Tom Hanks and every one dear to him after watching the Polar Express because it tries to make the metaphor of Santa the object of the message. How empty! It’s not the person of Santa that gets my one emotion going you idiots!

It’ll be interesting to see how long our culture can maintain this fake “Christmas spirit” with such fluff. Me I’ll stick to the real deal. I’m going to go dig out a VCR and watch Rudolph, then see you at the Christmas Eve Communion Service.

Holiday Hiatus

Due to the writers strike my blog won't be new till the new year. But starting tomorrow look for "The Best Of TICS".

Just Green with Envy

Well, it's been a long hard week of being green. But, seeing as how it's colder today than it was Tuesday, we have obviously stopped global warming. Thank you all for your efforts. A special thank you to NBC for setting the example by spending one week using all their equipment to make special messages about saving energy. And remember, as the cast of Chuck said, while standing in front of a bank of 15 telelvision screens all running it's logo, "Reduce, recycle and...", can't remember that last one... I think it's "resume".
But, I can't leave this week without at least giving a voice to my critics who are simply green with envy. So, I'll put up the quotes of some amatuer crackpot named John Coleman who founded some, I suppose, unheard of blog called "The Weather Channel" (how arrogant!)

"It is the greatest scam in history. I am amazed, appalled and highly offended by it. Global Warming; It is a SCAM. Some dastardly scientists with environmental and political motives manipulated long term scientific data to create an illusion of rapid global warming. Other scientists of the same environmental whacko type jumped into the circle to support and broaden the “research” to further enhance the totally slanted, bogus global warming claims. Their friends in government steered huge research grants their way to keep the movement going. Soon they claimed to be a consensus. Now their ridiculous manipulated science has been accepted as fact and become a cornerstone issue for CNN, CBS, NBC, the Democratic Political Party, the Governor of California, school teachers, [that incredibly effective blog "Things I Can't Say"], and, in many cases, well informed but very gullible environmentally conscientious citizens. Only one reporter at ABC has been allowed to counter the Global Warming frenzy with one 15 minute documentary segment."

Obviously, John is having a little hard time with my success on this subject. Oh, and the government grant I was given to spend a week on this subject was just coincidental. I was planning this anyway and have always leaned green.

Next Week: Pictures of my big green truck. It gets 12 miles to the gallon! Good thing green week is over.

Keep'n It Green

When I was in high school in the late 80's we also had a big environmental fear... global cooling. We were being taught that by the early 2000's the UP would be covered in ice and we would all be migrating south if we didn't do something soon. Now, I know, you youngsters are saying, "How can that be? Everything is getting hotter, NBC is fighting global warming almost single-handedly, we are about to be drowned by the melting polar ice-caps. How can you have been scared of global cooling? How did you change it?"
I'll tell you how it changed! WE KICKED GLOBAL COOLINGS BUTT!!!!!!!!! THAT'S WHAT WE DID!!!!! WE GAVE MOTHER NATURE A BIG SHOT TO HER KISSER AND NOW IT'S TIME YOU YOUNG BUCKS STEP UP AND DO THE SAME!!!!"
"But, how did you do it?", you ask. I'll tell you how... I have no clue. But, man did we do a good job. Not only did we beat back global cooling but we did it so well we're now warming up too much. I assume we did it by selling and running more and more computers, DVD players, cars, punk rock music, and burning more marijuana than any generation before us.

So how can this new generation beat back Mother Natures newest offensive? Here's some ideas:

• Buy a freezer, no several freezers, and leave them running with the doors open.
• Keep your air conditioning running ALL THE TIME. In the summer your house should be at a cozy 45 degrees and in the winter a smoldering 33 degrees.
• Petition that beer company that makes the special cooling containers to make one that covers your entire state.
• Cover your big screen TV's and digital sound equipment in ice. Not only does it keep cool, which is good for it, but it will cool down the environment too.
• Wait out the scientist. By 2020 we'll be fighting global cooling again.
• Live your life like you could care less about the environment. It seemed to work for us. Too well.

It's Not Easy Being Green

I guess we are having less and less green things in this world so today's green tips deal with keeping things green and creating more green things.

• Stop brushing your teeth.




• Unplug your refrigerator (this also saves energy!)




• Make him mad...
  

• Don't be kissing these, let them stay green...

• If you are a close friend of either of these two let's see if we can hook them up...

I'm Going Green

I've been inspired. During the half-time of a Sunday NBC NFL football game the guys in the studio had turned off some of their lights in the studio to help save the Earth. As I then, through my tears, watched the admiring faces on a crowd that was lit by a million light bulbs in that 100 acre domed air-conditioned stadium as they gazed at the gazillion gigawatt Jumbotron that the 500 NBC cameras were using to broadcast the studio energy savings to everyone... I realized I too needed to be more green.
So this week I will be putting into practice, and asking you to do the same, some tips on how you too can be green.

Today's Tip:
Randomly turn off fellow office mates lights. Eventually, if they are lazy enough, the time it takes for them to get up and go turn them back on could save an entire iceberg.
EXTRA CREDIT: Turn off your businesses main circuit board. The energy you'd save if you work somewhere large like a hospital or prison could save Greenland!

More Political Junk

Doing damage control after the candidate’s debate performance Tuesday, Hillary told supporters on a conference call Wednesday that the campaign needed more money to fight back.
My GOSH! I've never seen anything like this. She's blowing everyone out in campaign contributions, both legitimate and illegitimate, and her answer to her first beat-down is not to come up with solid ideas but ask for more money?!?!
I'm not one to do alot of politics on my blog and I won't be voting Republican at this point, but how can this women even be running? Who is supporting this political mafia campaign? Who is dumb enough to send her more money? Far lefts complain about the corruption and political posturing of Bush and then send us this piece of work as the alternative? Let's have a little intellectual honesty out there!
Well, if she can't get money from the US she can always ask the Chinese Government to step up it's contributions.

Political Stuff

Okay, so Kucinich at the Democratic debate said he's seen a UFO. Then Richardson says the government hasn't come clean on Roswell. Now, I can react one of two ways. Chalk this up to the substance of Democratic canidates and mock them till they are forgotten (Kucinich said Jimmy Carter also saw one. I'm not sure how that is supposed to make him seem more competent). OR I can say, "Holy crap there are major political figures who take this stuff seriously" and call Fox Mulder. Speaking of aliens...

Hillary got beaten up by all the big boys. But, the funniest thing said about her was earlier in the week when Rommney said that she has never been in charge of anything... never been a state or national official, never run a buisness, never headed a department... but the finishing move was when he followed it up by saying, "The last thing we need in the White House is an intern."
HA! It almost makes me willing to vote for him.

More Stories that should go Together

Arnold Schwarzenegger in a recent interview with GQ when asked about legalizing marijuana: "That is not a drug. It's a leaf. My drug was pumping iron, trust me."

John Edwards in a recent interview pledged to start a government-funded public higher education program called "College for Everyone."

If Schwarzenegger is right, what the heck is John Edwards smoking?

Stories that Should Go Together

Nude Sleepwalkers and 'Purple' Boy Found Near Death In Halloween Spider Web. If we would put up Halloween Spider Webs in the areas they are having trouble with Nude Sleepwalkers I think we could make a lot of people happy.