Hey, Did You Hear About The Blond...

I love this story. Lauren Caitlin Upton, Miss South Carolina Teen USA, was asked this question at the pagent... "Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the United States on a world map. Why do you think this is?"

Her answer?

"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., er, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children."

Hey, I have in-laws in South Carolina. Just a random fact I thought I'd include.

Better Answers Lauren Could Have Used:

1) I like cheese.

2) Four score and seven years ago...

3) I just think all Americans are stupid.

4) Canadians suck!

5) I've got a crush on Obama.

6) Look, just tell me who I have to sleep with to win this thing.

7) Where am I? Why am I here?

8) I've found Jesus and will try to redeem myself.

9) Just drooled.

10) Hulk Smash!

Time Waster Tuesday

In honor of The 44oo season ender and the start of Heros... today's timewaster.

Make sure you post your result on my Facebook question section!

In the News

Don't panic folks! I know, I know, it's unfair, cruel, and senseless, but we just have to accept it. The Fox Network show, "Anchorwomen", was canceled after one show! But, don't worry you can still get the stunning conclusion of the series on their website. So, breath easy.

In other news...
It seems man's transition from ape took place six or seven million years earlier than thought. I really wish these scientist would make up their mind and I wish they could determine things within more than a million years. What ever test they use are sure unspecific. Oh, and buried in the article is this little phrase, ""We know nothing about how the human line actually emerged from apes," the authors of the paper noted. Hmm... sounds like a story that should be covered by Anchorwomen.

Wii'd Like to Break Your Arm

A Japanese game maker said Wednesday it would withdraw arm-wrestling machines from arcades after three players broke their arms. Sweet! That could be a whole new aspect for the Wii. Some game ideas.

Karate Kid: In this game you try to see how many virtual cement blocks you can break with various parts of your body with real damage done to your body parts.

Stuntman Supreme: You participate in various hollywood stunts and if you fail you are set on fire, crushed, cut, etc.

Sumo: You play the part of a Sumo Wrestler, complete with diaper, and face a giant, virtual, weight accurate dummy opponent.

Lightning Rod: See how many bolts of lightning you can catch before you pass out from the high level current running through the controller.

2000 Year Old Fact Revealed!

It's the big political news story of the day... Michelle Obama: "One of the most important things that we need to know about the next President of the United States is, is he somebody that shares our values? Is he somebody that respects family? Is a good and decent person? So our view was that, if you can't run your own house, you certainly can't run the White House."


Gasp! How can she make this kind of claim? Is this some slam against Hillary? What a brand new revolutionary thought! Where does she find this kind of wisdom? How outlandish!



Maybe she heard it here.

Time Waster Tuesday

Today's time waster's are in honor of Michael Vick. Make sure to try them all.
(If you're reading this from Facebook follow the links to my main blog page to get the links. It's worth the effort!)

Ahhhh...
Ehhhhh....
ARGGHHHH....

Getting Pooped On

So I was really bored yesterday and there was nothing on TV until I flipped by "Dirty Jobs" on the discovery channel. I'd never seen it but got hooked on the stupid host just going from one messy job to another. He was working in a dam, and a snake farm, and laying railroad trusses, and cleaning bell towers, etc. It was pretty entertaining.
Then they went to what was called "Vomit Island". An island off the West Coast, I believe, where they had done bomb test in WWII and now was 80 acres of bird sanctuary. It seems the birds, when threathened, regurgitate fish and poop on the threats below. Once a year people from the Fish and Wildlife Department and some Enviornmental group go out and tag the birds and count the nest. Why? "So if they die in Canada or Mexico we'll know where they are from and so we can know what kind of effect the birds have on the island."
SO FREAKING WHAT!!?!!?!?!?!?!? This is what we are spending money on in this country? Have we really gotten this rich? Someone tell me one more time why we need to increase taxes because we don't have enough for essential services?
So what did I take away from this episode? I learned you don't have to go to Vomit Island to get pooped on.

30 Years Ago today...

...Elvis left the building. Audiences of his time had never before heard music like Presley played or seen performances like Presley gave. Roy Orbison said upon seeing early Elvis, "There was just no reference point in the culture to compare [him]." Elvis became his own film genre, a modern day icon, the lifelong addiction of millions, and the inspiration for hundreds of artist. I admit back when I was a kid one of the albums I got with the Columbia Record Clubs one cent choice was a Best Of Elvis album. I loved it. I'll still stop the scan on the radio for a good Elvis song. I also admit feeling nostalgic for the days when shaking your hips a little was enough to be called controversial. However, about 12 years ago I took some kids to inner city Memphis where we worked in some of the projects Elvis lived in and walked where Elvis walked among the jazz clubs on Beale St. Elvis's influences hung heavy in the air. And yet when asked if they'd rather go see Graceland or hit a special exhibit on the Titanic for their "fun" day, the teens unanamously chose the Titanic exhibit. Is it possible that after 30 years Elvis is finally getting ready to really leave the building? I guess I kinda hope not. In honor of the King of Rock and Roll take some time to read his Wikiipeida entry. It's a real fun look at a whole different time and world. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elvis_Presely

It Might...

I'm so sick of "news" stories about windy parts of the ocean that MIGHT turn into hurricanes, which MIGHT hit your part of the country, and MIGHT kill your children, and MIGHT take jobs that Americans won't do. I've got some other stories we might as well report... "Wind May Become Tornado" "Rains this Fall May Cause Floods" "Criminals in Area May Cause Crime" "News Organizations Might Report News " (Okay, that one's a little far fetched.)

Remember...

Join me on Facebook so you don't miss important rants like this:
Full Alert, eh?
The Mariner Moose tried to kill Coco Crisp. No it's not a gang fight between Cereal Mascots, it's and actual Major League Baseball story. Find the story here.
It seems the Moose took his little 4 wheeler and tried to gun poor Coco down. Now, the Moose isn't even going to be fired?!?! Do you know why? Cause he's from Seattle and Seattle is near... CANADA! The Great White North has devoured our borders and obviously annexed Seattle. Now at least we haven't lost and important state, but it's a state none the less. How long are we going to put up with these unguarded borders where Mooses, a Canadian creature, can freely roam our baseball fields trying to run over good, upstanding, citizens like Coco Crisp?I've been telling you for years if you are a reader of my previous blog site of the dangers of paying to much attention to our Southern boarder when the true threat is from the Hockey playing, bacon inhaling, snow ridden, neighbors to our North.Who will be next before we stop the maddness? Toucan Sam? Sugar Bear? The Trix Rabbit? Or, God forbid, Snap! Crackle! and Pop!It's time to wake up people.

Moving Day?

I'm going to attempt to do my blog through my Facebook site. So sign up for a Facebook account and check it out.

Faith Based?

So, "Evan Almighty" opened much smaller than it needed to make up for its "most expensive comedy of all time" price of 200+ million dollars. The media watchers are surprised because it's a "family friendly" "faith-based" movie that is usually, so they imply, a sure thing to bring in the hayseed Christians and their kids.
Calling it faith-based is kinda like saying "King Kong" was based on a true story because there are people who have gone on trips and captured gorillas. Look, just cause you use the ark and a guy with a long beard doesn't make your movie faith-based anymore than an ex-VP showing a slide show in your movie makes it science based. And, believe it or not, there are some people smart enough to know the difference. Of course this is from a guy who hasn't seen the "Passion of the Christ" because I didn't think it could be as good as the book, so take this rant for what it's worth.

Criminals Wanted

Hey, I know jobs are hard to come by here in Michigan (take that George W., we'll have no part of your economy, unlike the rest of the nation, that'll teach you!) so I suggest moving to Jacksonville, FL and becoming a professional criminal.
Where should you start? First I'd try being a hitman targeting people in apartments owned by Village Green Cos. It seems they fired an employee who, at 2am, responded to yells of a women saying she'd been shot by grabbing a shotgun, running to her aid, and stopping her from bleeding out from a gunshot wound to the leg. That was against company policy. So, sounds like this would be a pretty good place to work if you like shooting people.
If that's a little to extreme for your criminal tendancies why not try being a professional thief and target Jacksonville Home Depots? A man tried to steal $1100 in goods but was confonted in the parking lot by an employee... so of course the employee was fired. Why? I assume because you know what stopping criminals would do for the quickly growing criminal job market in Jacksonville?
So feel free to move to Jacksonville and become a professional criminal. Unless the crime you want to commit is stoppping criminals. In which case I'd recommend Gotham City.

Tuesday Time Waster

Well, I'm back from vacation. Maybe I'll tell ya about it later.

Meanwhile...

http://www.pandora.com/

Type in Jack Johnson to listen to what I'm listening to.

Free Paris

I think Paris Hilton shouldn't be jailed for several reasons which I'll list below, so I'd like to start a free Paris campa... (What's that?)... Hold on one moment... (She's already out? But she didn't even... What am I supposed to do with these 10,000 "Free Paris" t-shirts? Crap. I figured it'd be at least two weeks.)



Uh... please bear with me while I come up with a new blog.

As the World Slides...

Signs that the world is getting worse and worse:

• 15 year old missing girl found in a closet under some stairs, 3 men arrested
• 18 year old girl attacked and killed for what looks like no apparent reason
• Mighty Ducks, southern California team, beats a Canandian team in the Stanley Cup Playoffs

But some good news...

Possiblity of getting the beneift of embryonic stem cells without the moral problems associated with destroying life. What do you know, you don't have to ignore morality to progress.

Smartest Man Running for President?

The Republican's debate and get 2 minute little sound bites. Fred Thompson shows up on Hannity & Colmes immediately after and gets uninterrupted major face time. Brilliant!
I didn't see it but what a brilliant move. He's gonna be worth watching. I think he's gonna try to change the way people run for office. He has the potential to run circles around the traditional media as proven by his video reply to Michael Moore. If you'd vote for him or not he's gonna make things interesting.

Time Waster Tuesday

Check out the game LOST CITIES online. It's an addicitve little card game. If you want to try it with me give me a shout! I'm always looking for opponents. I'm terrible, but those who are less math challenged you can probably kick some butt.

Paris Hilton Going to Jail Naked!

Yes, you got it from the title. It's a sports blog. (If I called this "Pistons Wrap-up" several of you would have read no further.)
Well, another season over. Another huge dissapointment in the playoffs. Where should we lay the blame and what should we do in the future? The answer is one player. Billups.
Last, year I jumped off the Billiups bandwagon and said that we should get rid of him, that he was overated. I was berated by a co-worker and eventually over the course of the season said I'd changed my mind and he looked great. I've changed my mind again.
Billups is an overated egomanic. His "we've been here before" and "we'll just turn it on" attitude after losses is what tanked this team. Although, I did love the look on his face in the 4th quarter of the last game when he realized, "Oh crap, we don't have enough time to win this."
So the blame for these miserable loses lies with the team leader. Detroit fans blaming Flip are just refusing to see the truth that thier beloved Chauncy now thinks it's about him not the team.
The future? Don't resign Billups. Let him go. Rebuild. Get rid of Sheed and/or Webber. Bring up one of your younger guys as point guard and go get a big man somewhere. My thought is, just like Ben"idict" Wallace, Billups won't even be an all-star if he isn't with the Pistons and if he isn't paid as if he's the 2nd best point gaurd in the league his attitude will suck this team down even more.
Don't get me wrong, the Pistons are no Lions, they'll bounce back. But, I think this group, "Billups team", should be done. And this time I won't change my mind. It's been a great run, but you've reached the finish line.

10 Word Reviews

As the global warming debate heats up below (HA!) on with the reviews:

Spiderman 3: Too many characters, no internal logic, but saved by effects.
Shrek 3: Would have been a really good Nickolodeon Movie on TV.
Pirates 3: What is going on? Oh, now the fight makes sense.
LOST Finale: Wow! Wow! Wow! I guessed the flashforward right away! Wow!
Hero's Season One: Eh. But the grand finale made the whole season better.
Next: Loved Nic Cage. Cool idea. Good, solid, old-school film.
American Idol: Melinda gone? Blake writing music on his Mac? Jumped shark?
My Blog: Missing in action, losing momentum, hanging on by my fingernails.

Now back to the the Rumble of the Humble. The Fight of the Bright. The Swarming of the Warming. The Hogging of the Blogging. The... nevermind. Back to arguing global warming. Think we'll solve it?