Bad Santa... Really, really, bad Santa

Warning: You MUST read this entire article first...

[To be Sung Outloud With a Panicked Voice In Your Workplace to the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming To Town]
Here comes Santa Claus, Here comes Santa Claus, drunk and in a rage.
Looting and flashing, shooting and crashing, get out of his way!
Now there's 40, still cavorting, what the heck is that smell?
Fat and aloof, but we've got no proof, 'cause he just tore the Santacam down!



Merry Christmas Everyone! Talk to you January 2nd!

Everything's Better With Monkeys

I know what your gonna say... "But, Joesph Stalin was a bad guy." Ok, I'll grant you that. But, man, if we could have just given him a little aid. According to this article it seems in the 1920's Joe was trying to create an army of genetically altered Super Warrior Monkeys! Now I'm basically a pacifist so I'm totally against war monkeys but I think the good 'ole US of A could have taken them and just think of the benefits...

• I could finally have some monkey butlers.
• King Kong could have had more monkeys with better acting
• How much cooler would those old news reels be with monkeys?
• Imagine Saving Private Ryan... with monkeys!
• Wouldn't it just be cool to hear... "Vote Jeb and Monkey in '08"
• The Monkeys (the band) could have been real monkeys!
• They could finally make a "Curious George Movie" with some integrity
• Just think of the WWII strategy Video game potential! You'd be fighting monkeys! That's video game gold!

And I'll leave you with this... Did Stalin really fail in his experiments?

Time Waster Tuesday

Quite possibly the most violent, and addictive, time waster yet. Thanks to Sherman for posting this on his site first and wasting my time!

Interactive Buddy

My Books

I have two books I will one day write. One will make me millions of dollars so I'm not going to let you steal my idea, the second though will be called "Why I Hate Christians."
The Senior Minister as a joke got me "Scripture Mints" and a "Scripture Pop" as a Christmas present knowing how much I hate the marketing of Christianity. It was really funny, but I've come up with a slogan for all the "Christian" candy makers.
"Candy for Christian Suckers".
What do ya thing?

SNOW DAY!!!

We're buried in 8-10 inches of snow with 8 more on the way! Off to go sledding!
See ya Monday!

HAPPY NEW YEAR BLOG!!!!

It was one year ago yesterday that I began this blog. I thought I'd repost (with outdated links and all) that very first one. And if you could all do me a favor. Reply to the post when you read this and tell me why you even come here on a daily basis and what has stuck in your memory or what you've liked best. Come on, it'll make me feel like someone cares. So here it is from December 14th 2004...

Task Specific Idiot Savant Clauses
Well, I wrote a guest article for http://www.fabiansworld.blogspot.com/ and kinda got an itch to try this out. Once my article appears over there I'll post it here and we'll see if I have the time or interest to keep this site up.Will there be rhyme or reason to what goes up here? Will it one day get me fired? Will I even tell my wife I'm posting anything? Does anyone really care? But what a great first title, eh?

http://www.peoplespub.com/nercda/text/proofsanta.html
Man this explains alot and will cause me to spend every Christmas Eve sitting on my porch with a rifle.

http://www.realistictoyguns.com/edison.mv
When playing Airsoft with your kids is just too mean, this is a great alternative.

Time Waster Tuesday

Two for the price of one today!

Upsidedown Typing

Make Your own Cartouche

You Look Like A Dictator

During an interview about his visit to North Korea media mogul Ted Turner was asked why he is showing support for a dictaor who, in the words of the CNN interviewer is, "One of the most evil and murderous people" in the world. Ted's response? "Well, I didn't meet him personally. But, I've seen pictures and video of him on CNN and he doesn't look any different than anyone else."
Good point Ted. So I thought to warn all my faithful readers of possible evil dictators in our midst I'd post some pictures of people who obviously fit the bill.

Blog from the Future

Well, it's December in Michigan. I hate this time of year. All the tourist coming up to enjoy the beaches and the sun. I mean I long for the days when everyone went to Florida for the winter. Now, I have to wait for summer for all those people to retreat to the snowy peaks of Southern Florida. Hopefully the scientist are right and all these vegetable powered vehicles will bring on the next Ice Age within 10 years.

Time Waster Tueday

Here's a little link my friend James brought to my attention on his site. A big, yet awesome, time waster.

Pandora and the Music Genome Project

RUN IT'S PEANUTS!

According to this article a teen girl died after kissing her boyfriend from an allergic reaction to the peanuts he had eaten earlier! Now that sounds crazy enough, but that's not the crazy part of the story here's the sentence that confuses me: "Peanut allergies have been rising in recent decades." How does this happen? How many peanut deaths have there been in the past? How do allergies just start rising? Where does it stop? What will we be allergic too in the future? Will we one day see a rise in water allergies? Snow allergies? Car allergies? Blogging allergies! THE HORROR!?!?! Then I realized... this took place in Canada. Figures.

Buddha Boy

It seems Buddha has been reincarnated in Kathmandu. This 15 year old has been meditating without food or water for 6 months and sitting just like the statues of Buddha! Yeah, I know it's incredible isn't it? Now I know some of you heathens out there are probably saying, "Prove it." Well, uh... that might be... ummm... a little difficult.
It seems no one is allowed within 165 feet of the tree he's sitting in and he's covered by a curtain at night surrounded by his followers. BUT... doctors say from a distance he looks thin. So there!
Besides, 100,000 devotees have come to see him... from 165 feet. Come to think of it... this might be a scam! However, I'm now heading to Kathmandu to sell magic apples this weekend. If you'd like some (at $150 a piece) please reply to this blog. They are gauranteed, if you eat them, to cure all your illnesses... if you keep back 165 feet. See you Monday.

Britney to Marry Jeb Bush... Naked!

Alright, obviously by the title of the blog you know it's about sports. I just wanted to reblog what I said about last years Lions vs. Vikings on Dec. 14 of 2004:

Here's a headline I saw today:
"Lions intend on confusing the Vikings"
1) By winning?
2) By using a cheerleader at QB?
3) By bringing in some Pistons fans to rough them up?
Update: Replacing the above headline on www.detroitlions.com today was this beauty:
"Lions Measure Progress By Executing Game Keys"
They could measure progress more effectively by executing players and staff!

Anyone else think I could probably repost that for the next 50 years and it will always apply?